


If I Stay

by LadyGinoza



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-28 18:52:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8459044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGinoza/pseuds/LadyGinoza
Summary: Another night, another case that takes a sudden turn for the worst.





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Ginoza**

I'm really starting to regret that I agreed on getting that game Kagari had wanted so badly for the last two weeks. All I've been hearing since he started playing that thing are gun fire, screams and some sort of moaning that I have absolutely no idea what it is. And quite frankly, knowing the type of games he usually plays it's probably best that I don't know. But, he's been working hard so once in a while it doesn't hurt to reward him for it.

As inspectors, it's also our job to reward our enforcers once in a while for the work that they do. It's not an obligation to do so but I find that it's more beneficial in the long run. Actually, it helps to keep morals up^and in return I find that the Enforcers perform better in the field.

Anyway, to think that those games used to be the hottest things in the past. I honestly don't get how Kagari can even enjoy playing those things to begin with. Isn't experiencing the real thing first hand not enough for him? Actually, to be honest I think his games are even worse than the real thing if that was even possible to begin with.

"Hey Gino! What would it take for me to convince you to play for one hour?" He asks never taking his eyes off the screen of his game console. 

What would it take? I would have to be in my coffin and even then I still wouldn't even touch a button.

"Seeing a body splatter into pink slush on the job is enough for me, so no." I answer as I keep working on my report and inspecting the one that inspector Tsunemori sent me earlier at the same time. I must say that she's getting better at writing up her reports which is good. It only helps to prove to the chief that she keeps on getting better with each case. With even more experience, she'll only continue to get better and for that, all she needs is time. 

"Come on Gino! Live a little. Years ago people would play these kinds of games all the time and nothing bad ever happened you know." Kagari adds, hoping that I'll somehow change my mind which is rather unlikely.

I look at him over my screen and the very reason why these things are not recommended in this day and age is for the exact reason that they cloud a person's hue. For someone who is already a latent criminal, it wouldn't matter. But still, these types of games have been linked to raise aggression and violence among teenagers in the past. So, I really don't see how video games are in any way beneficial to a person. 

"I'd debate on that. In the year early two thousand there was an interesting case that occurred. A nineteen year old got high on a drug nicknamed at the time as 'meow meow'. He stabbed his own mother and then proceeded to cut off his genitals." I tell him but not like it actually bothered him at all instead he found it more amusing than anything else.

"Seriously? Where did that happened?" Kagari asks as he tries to control his laughter but in a poor manner which resulted in Kunizuka hitting him on the head with the book she was reading.

"In England and that was nothing. In the United States, they had a problem with people getting high on a drug called bath salt. All reports of incidents related to the drug were all the same. The individual attacked and ate their victims alive. They had to be shot down for them to stop." I add as I return my attention back to my screen and continue working on finalising my report.

"That's some Resident Evil shit right there!" Kagari exclaims and asks, "So there was a drug that made you go so crazy to the point you actually ate other people like a zombie?" 

"Yes Kagari. Innocent people died in those incidents and although drugs were the culprits in those incidents, video games and horror movies were to blame for the clown incidents." I state.

"Say what!? Clowns?" Kagari quickly shoots back in confusion.

"There was a clown rage back in the thousands. People would dress in clown costumes to scare people. Some would even murder children and just like it came, it went away." I explain, not removing my gaze from my screen.

"Yeah that's messed up but still Gino this game is awesome, Silent Hill is definitely a master piece." Kagari casually replies without a care in the world. It's truly unbelievable the way he thinks sometimes. Everything that I just said, he thinks that it's funny. I don't even think that Kagari even comprehends how severe the situation was in the past. He simply compares the problem to a game and that's sickening if you ask me. 

I'm afraid that Kagari will always be stuck in the game world fantasy...

Anyway, by the sounds of that so called game. I wouldn't call that Silent Hill a master piece. It sounds more like a concoction from hell would be a more suitable thing to call it.

"Silent Hill… Sounds familiar. Wasn't that game based on a real place?" Kougami asks as he closes his computer after submitting his report. I quickly inspect it when it pops up on my screen and like always it's perfectly written. At least the quality of Kougami's reports have not change unlike his hue...

Now that Kougami mentioned it. I think I read about a town that had been called Silent Hill for some sort of reason. I can't exactly remember why it was named like that but if I'm not mistaken it was somewhere in the United States. If there ever was a country that could use the Sibyl system it surely would be that one without a doubt. From what I've read from text books back in school. The United States has never had a century without some form of violence. The country itself was built on slavery and wars basically.

Now thanks to the Sibyl system, we are practically shielded from what happens over there for our own safety. Unless you know where to look on the net that is. 

If you know where to go in the Commu-Fields. You can learn from some people that the United States is not a place you'd want to live in. In the past it used to be a land of opportunities but now it's just a land of corruption. 

Anyway, last week when I went on my Commu-Field. There was a member that was saying how some guy just entered an elementary school with a loaded gun and killed dozens of children and teachers before committing suicide. 

To this member, apparently it would seem that it is a pretty common thing to happen over there. Just that alone should be a wake-up call for the government that there is a serious problem and yet nothing ever gets done it would seem.

"Yes. A matter of fact the place itself was based on a real town called Centralia, Pennsylvania in the United States where it was dubbed Silent Hill for its ghost town appearance." Masaoka quickly answered Kougami's question, peaking my own curiosity as I listen on. "The town's people were forced to evacuate after the coal mine caught on fire in nineteen sixty-two after firefighters had set fire to the landfill. The fire had not been properly extinguished which caused the flames to enter the mine and it's been burning ever since." He adds.

I quickly do the math and the total of years since then is unbelievable. "It's been a hundred and fifty years already and it's still burning? How is that even possible?" I ask as I finish writing my own report and have approved the ones of the enforcers; all is good and ready to send to the chief.

"No one knows. Many have tried to extinguish it for years since it started but all attempts failed. And the more the fire burned underground the more you could see it on the surface. The roads and properties would collapse caused by sink holes that just suddenly appeared releasing toxic gas." Masaoka explains as I send my report to the chief while I carefully listen to dad's story.

It's one thing that I miss the most. Dad always had an act for telling stories, he just had this talent to keep you interested. It's probably because he always seems to enjoy himself when he recounts these kinds of things from the past. And honestly, I find it rather intriguing to hear about things that once happened in the past or things that are currently still occurring on the planet. It's just so unbelievable and yet so fascinating at the same time.

"They say where the ground broke, steam would come out of it. And the heat was so hot, apparently you could cook an egg and even set a match on fire by simply touching the asphalt." Dad states and if what he says is true, that must have been kind of freaky to witness and in a way I wish I could see it. But I know I'll never be able to so all I can do is listen to dad explain the theory. "Scientists have been studying this incident for years and have been keeping an eye on the fire below. And every time they would do a reading to evaluate the fire they would always get the same results year after year. It never calmed but it keeps spreading little by little. As long there is coal to burn it will never go out-"

"Please change the subject all of this ghost town talks is really creeping me out." Tsunemori voices out when the alarm of an area stress level goes off. So much for having a calm night…

**XXX**

* * *

 

**XXX**

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Kagari voices out as I quickly brief the team about the current situation. Can't say that I'm too thrilled about it either but this case fell on division one to carry out so we have no other choice.

The target we're after is Izumo Shibada. He's a thirty-five year old male and was flagged by a street scanner when he was caught attacking a woman and ended up killing her. He then proceeded in kidnapping the woman's ten years old daughter to flee from the drones and was able to make it into an abandoned facility. Needless to say, we can't send it any drones into the building, since the place has never gotten any relay points set in so we'll have to go in ourselves…

"We'll have to split up into two groups but I advise you to move with extreme caution. He already murdered someone. He can easily do it again and from his hue color it's safe to assume that it wasn't his first crime either. It's midnight blue so expect his aggression to be extremely high." I state before we head off into separate directions. Tsunemori will take the back entrance while we take the front and hopefully we'll be able to corner the guy and save that little girl from any more harm.

Kunizuka and Kagari head in first as I follow closely behind. This place used to be an old weapons factory during world war two but it was closed down in the beginning of the twenty first century and it's been abandoned ever since. Being said, it's the perfect place for latent criminals to hide into and another reason why these old buildings that no longer serve any purpose in today's society should be torn down. They just serve now on make our jobs even harder when chasing down criminals.

So far so good but this building is in very bad condition and a few times we've had to turn around and find another path to take due to the ceiling having collapsed sometime in the past and is now blocking the way. The only good thing so far is that there doesn't seem to be any homeless people using this building as a shelter but it's infested with rats and a few times Kunizuka and Kagari were forced to shoot a few of them or they would have attacked us.

"Ah man! This place gives me the creeps!" Kagari voices out as he holds his dominator closer to his chest, ready to fire if need be. "This is like a game I played; Resident Evil. All is quiet, walking in a dark hall and a zombie will suddenly jump out of nowhere and try to-"

"Alright Kagari we get the idea." I quickly tell him, cutting his story short.

I remember all too well that game of his. He constantly played it after he would finish writing his report with the volume on high. I didn't have to see it to imagine what was going on. It's definitely not a game I'd want to play nor would I want to watch. Apparently from what I've heard, a few movies were even made based on those said games in the past. Again, it's not something I'd want to watch on my free time that's for sure. This job is already goring enough as it is so I sure as hell don't need more of it. As to why anyone would want to entertain themselves with more gore is well beyond me.

The hall we've just taken is dark, I can barely see anything. I take out a flash light as Kunizuka and Kagari held up their dominators ready to shoot as I do my best to give them as much lighting as possible. I will never be able to say it enough but this place is a total dump and it needs to be demolished. The smell is just as bad, it matches well with how it looks that's for sure.

A loud noise suddenly fills the air followed by a crash as the ceiling suddenly collapsed right in front of me. I use my arm to cover my nose and mouth as dust fills the hall and I back away a few steps as to avoid the falling debris. It takes a few minutes before all the debris has fallen and the dust to subside.

"Kunizuka! Kagari! Are you both alright?" I ask, hoping that the ceiling did not fall on them. I'd hate for my Enforcers to die by being crushed from falling debris.

"Yeah were fine." Kagari quickly answered as I get a sense of relief that they didn't get crushed to their death. Even if they are hunting dogs, that's not a way for anyone to die.

"Are you injured inspector?" Kunizuka asks.

"No, I'm alright." I answer as I quickly inspect the damage of the collapsed ceiling as I point the flashlight up to get a better look. There's no way to get through that debris, I'm cut off from my enforcers. Shit…

"Kunizuka and Kagari listen up. Keep on going. If you find Shibada shoot him on sight, no need to warn him; I'll find another path to reach the both of you. If you find inspector Tsunemori I want you to stay with her." I order as I open my terminal to call inspector Tsunemori.

"Understood." Kunizuka acknowledges as I hear footsteps going further away from me.

"Don't worry Gino, we won't run off." Kagari carefreely replies and I'd be lying if the thought didn't cross my mind. 

If they wanted, this would be their perfect chance to make a break for it. And I would be the one who would have to give an explanation to the top brass as to what exactly went wrong in the investigation to allow such a thing to have happened on my watch. In the end, it wouldn't even matter that I could have died crushed under the falling debris. All that would matter would be that I actually had failed to control my enforcers.

Tsunemori was quick to pick up and I waste no time giving her the current situation as I also advise that the three be even more cautious when navigating through the building. If she is to meet Kagari and Kunizuka, she is to keep them under her watch until I can rejoin the group. I then proceed to call Shion for information about the building. Unfortunately, there wasn't any data on the building's layouts so she can't help to guide me through this place. And like she said, even if she had the layouts. Considering how bad this place has gotten, it would probably be useless anyway. I'll have to go by gut feeling alone with the knowledge that more parts of the ceiling can cave in at any given time.

Being alone in a place like this makes it even more disturbing. There are puddles of water everywhere and a few times I hear the sounds of metal screeching and at those moments I'm certain that the ceiling will collapse again but to my relief nothing happens. 

The walls bare signs of old graffiti. In the past, this place must have been used as an old hang out for delinquent kids. The things written on these walls are not very holy and certain things I don't even know what it means.

I manage to get back to the entrance without much trouble and of course it's pouring outside which isn't good. The added weight of water on the roof could be enough to cause the roof to cave in at any given minute. I just hope that nothing happens on Tsunemori's end. It's just our luck lately that all of division one's cases end up being a pain in the ass. The only good thing about this is that it helps to form her experience but a single mistake is enough to be fatal. The only thing that helps calm my anxiety is that she's with Kougami and Masaoka. I know they'll make sure everything is alright on her end. I trust their judgement without a fault when it comes to Tsunemori's safety.

Footsteps catches my attention as I quickly turn around, my finger ready to pull the dominator's trigger only to come face to face with Masaoka. I can't believe that man; he just abandoned Tsunemori to come looking for me, he has to be out of his mind.

"You left your post; your duty was to be with inspector Tsunemori." I tell him but he just shrugs with a guilty smile just like he always does when I reprimand him of his actions.

"The inspector got worried that you were on your own in here and besides she's not alone." He tells me and yeah, Kougami is with her and I trust his judgement to keep her safe. I know for a fact that Kougami would fight until his last breath to protect her. He'd do anything to get the job done so I guess it will be fine until we rejoin them.

"Let's just hurry to regroup; I'll let you lead the way." I tell him. 

I had first planed on going outside and enter from the back entrance but since dad is here, we'll be able to retract his steps and save us some time. 

I start looking around as I follow him through what used to be the facility's warehouse. Everything is just too quiet for my liking. I would have thought that we would have heard a child cry or scream by now and yet nothing so far…

"Inspector, you might want to see this." His voice was low as he spoke. I quickly joined him and just as I feared the little girl dead lying in a pool of her own blood. Her eyes are wide open and her clothes have been ripped up. My guesses, this beast raped her and then killed her in cold blood… 

Wait a minute... 

Wasn't the girl he kidnap had blond hair instead of brown? 

I quickly open my terminal, checking for the picture that had been taken during the flag checked. It's exactly as I thought. This isn't the girl Shibada kidnapped so who is this girl-

A rush of pain suddenly fills my body as I drop my dominator to the ground. I look down only to see a blade inside me as it gets pulled out tainted in fresh blood. 

My eyes jump up to meet dads eyes as he shoves me to the ground and waste little time getting on top of me, insert the knife in my stomach again causing another jolt of pain and then another and each time it just takes my breath away. The pain is unbearable and all I can do is stare into his eyes that are now ice cold. 

I no longer know this man in front of me… 

I try to form words to say something but nothing comes out and the more I try to talk, the pain in my stomach intensifies. My vision is getting blurry. I don't know anymore how many times he stabbed me in my stomach. All I know is the noise of the knife being dropped to the floor followed by rushes of pain to my head. My vision is getting all hazy as it turns to black and all I hear are muffled sounds as if they are far away and all that consumes me is the pain… 

Tsunemori… 

Kou... 

Are they? 

Dad… Why…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Ginoza**

What on earth just happened? Everything is a complete blur and all just feels so surreal all a sudden and then it suddenly hit me. Where the hell did dad go? 

Why aren't I in pain anymore? 

I got stabbed several times didn't I? And yet, I don't see any blood on my uniform. Actually, I feel fine but I'm certain that he did attack me just now. He stabbed me and kept starring at me with such colds eyes. Something that I had never seen on him before... 

Why would he do that to me? 

Nothing is making any sense. I was in so much pain only a few minutes ago that I had a hard time breathing. I couldn't even say a single word but now I seem to be completely fine. As if nothing happened to me or maybe everything was just a complete fabrication of my mind. 

All of this added stress must be starting to get to me. I must have lost consciousness and imagined all of that up… Dad would never attack me, would he? Yeah, he's a latent criminal but he wouldn't turn rogue like that. He wouldn't turn on me, he just wouldn't. He might be a lot of things but a madman, no. He's not like that. It's just not him!

All of this anxiety that I've experienced must be playing with my head. Yeah, that has to be it. There's no other logical explanation than that. I imagined everything up, it wasn't real. I just need to calm down and get myself in check. I'm just overthinking about everything.

I try to turn my terminal on to call Tsunemori but only to find that it's not working. It probably got damaged when I lost consciousness earlier so I guess that can't be helped. 

Anyway, where's my dominator? All I remember is that I dropped it when I got stabbed but if that was only in my imagination then I should still have it on me but I don't.

I start looking around when I notice the amount of fresh blood on the ground. I step a bit closer to inspect the scene only to find that it looks like human remains. Actually, it looks more like the remains of a human after they've been turned into pink slush by a dominator that went into lethal eliminator mode... 

Footsteps catches my attention and to my relief it's Kougami and the rest of the team. Great, so they were finally able to regroup and it seems like they found the hostage too. But what's even more important, none of them seem to be injured.

"Took you long enough Kougami." I tell him but he doesn't respond as if he didn't even hear me. No like I didn't even say anything, like I'm not even there.

They waste no time navigating through the cluttered warehouse. Tsunemori simply runs right past me in all haste. She didn't even bothered to acknowledge my presence all. Instead, she shouts to the team that she sees the entrance but nothing else. 

What gives?

"Dad!" I yell out as I run towards him and again nothing. He just looks forward as if I'm not even there. "This isn't funny, stop ignoring me dad! Dad!" I shout back but still nothing. However, the look in his eyes is what scares me. I've never seen him this way before. It's like he's just seen something come straight out of a horror story. 

I turn around in order to see what he's looking at and I don't know what to say. All I can do is back away in shock before stumbling on something causing me to fall on the ground. 

What's going on? 

This can't be happening…

**XXX**

* * *

 

**Chapter 2.5**

**Kougami**

This building is a ticking time bomb. It's just a matter of time before it completely crumbles down. I don't care if it does come crashing down though. I mean, it can collapse if it wants to but first it better wait until we're done investigating this fucking place.

Gino and the others had a close call when the ceiling came crashing down over their heads. They could have been crushed or seriously injured back there. However, the situation changed the moment that they got separated in this run down place. 

I hate the idea that Gino is on his own in here and the sooner we can regroup, the better it's going to be. The odds are already against us as it is. We couldn't afford to get into this kind of a situation to begin with.

If things keep up at the rate we're going, this investigation is sure likely going to end up in total failure. And worst case scenario, Shibada is going to get away and I'm starting to get this feeling that's how he works.

It's no secret that he's done this kind of thing before. He has definitely used innocents as hostages to flee a crime scene on multiple occasions. And I'd be willing to bet that bringing them into an abandoned building to hide in is probably his game too. 

Everything about this situation is rather typical and yet there's something just not right about this whole thing. I have a bad feeling in my gut and I don't like it.

I hold up my dominator when I hear noises in the distance. From the sound, I'd say it's footsteps and they're coming closer at a slow pace.

With my finger on the trigger and ready to fire if need be. I slowly approach the dark hall with Akane and pops ready to back me up from behind. I quickly jump forward, pointing my dominator at the unknown only to find that it's Kunizuka and Kagari. Both of them seem uninjured but they've brought some rather disappointing news along with them. 

The ten years old little girl that got kidnap is now laying motionless in Kagari's arms. He shakes his head with a sad expression on his face as he holds the girl a bit closer towards him. 

She's dead... We were too late to save her and it only fuels my anger. She was so young. She had so many things that she could have done with her life but it was all taken away from her in an instant. She had to witness her mother get brutally killed and then she faced her own death with fear in her eyes.

"With this place coming down, I just couldn't leave her behind." Kagari says as he holds her tighter in his arms.

"It looks like Shibada raped her before he murdered her…" Kunizuka adds. 

It's without a doubt that he's a dirty bastard. Once this girl served his purpose to escape the law, he proceeded to degrade her. I can only imagine the fear and the pain she must have endured. I'm only sorry that I wasn't able to make it in time to save her. She deserved better than that. 

Gino won't be happy when he hears about this. Even though he didn't say it out loud, he really wanted to save that little girl. Whenever cases that involved children would come up. It was always a touchy subject for Gino and I can't blame him because I felt the same way.

We turned around and took another hall. Now we have to find Gino, it's been a while since the last time he called Akane. I advise that she gives him a call but she responds that she can't because for some reason she doesn't have reception in this part of the facility which could be problematic if Gino tried to call and it didn't go through.

So far so good but the building is making a lot of noise. It won't be long before another part of the ceiling gives away. It's really just a matter of time. It's technically telling us to get the hell out of here and fast. 

The thing that pisses me the hell off the most is the fact that we haven't been able to spot this fucking bastard yet. It's as if he knows the layouts of this place by heart. He knows how to get around quickly and swiftly without being seen. My conclusion is that he must come here often and if that's the case I have a feeling that we've been lured here into a hunt. Instead, we're not the ones doing the hunting, he is.

I take the lead as I enter another room first which looks like some sort of warehouse for the old facility. I carefully navigate through it when in the distance I see a man facing the other way around. I carefully point my dominator towards the unknown individual without making a sound and his crime coefficient registers at three hundred forty-two. 

Without a doubt, that's our bastard and it's about time that he fucking showed up!

I don't waste time pulling the trigger and he blows up into pink slush before he even knew what hit him. I don't like the idea of shooting at a person when their backs are turned but considering what he's done. I don't have any regrets, he got what he deserved.

"Great! Now we have to find Gino." Kagari states and I agree. He's been away for far too long already and I don't like it.

The sound of a loud crash snaps me out of my thoughts. It's would seem like the ceiling just came down from where we were only a few minutes ago.

The worst part in any investigations when you split up is looking for your colleagues. More than half of the time, you just keep missing them and just end up going in circles. It's basically a real bitch.

Akane quickly navigates through the warehouse and shouts back to us that on the other side, she can see the facility's entrance. So, if Gino turned around when he got separated from Kunizuka and Kagari earlier. He should have made it back here so he can't be too far away. Especially since Kunizuka stated that most of the halls that they took had already been blocked off. 

Gino's path to come back here was greatly limited so he can't have wandered too far unless he went back outside. It would be a logical choice for him to do if he decided to go back in from the back entrance. And yet, if Gino had done that, he should have met up with us already but he didn't so why not? 

Where the hell did you go, Gino?

"Mr. Ginoza isn't at the paddy wagon waiting outside and I didn't exactly see any footprints leaving the building either." Akane voices out as she came running back in. That eliminates the theory that he went outside to enter the back entrance.

"Mr. Masaoka are you okay?" Akane asks. "You look like you've seen a ghost." She adds with a bit of nervousness in her tone.

I turn my gaze over towards Pops and yeah, he looks like he's just seen a ghost. He's just fixated, bot blinking or moving. As if he's in shock or something.

I get closer towards him only to see what Pops is fixating onto. The sight alone hit me like a brick. We're too late...

"It's Gino… That bastard got Gino!" Was all I was able to say as I got closer to his bloodied body. 

I look around and not too far from Gino, there's another body of some unknown little girl. Gino must have found her when navigating through the building as he was trying to regroup with us. He got distracted by his finding and knowing how Gino is. He probably tried to call in his findings to Akane but it wouldn't go through and that's when he got attacked. 

I touch his cheek with a slight fear only to find that he's still warm. If only we had been a few minutes quicker, I could have prevented this from happening, shit!

I quickly inspect his body, trying to ignore all of the blood that's covering him. It's clear that Gino's been stabbed several times over. If the stabbing wasn't bad enough, the lunatic proceeded to bash Gino's head so many times that I can barely see the color of his face. There's just so much blood, it's sickening. 

A faint whiff of air trickles the back of my hand as I moved over Gino's face. The sudden sensation prompts my hand down to his neck and there it is. It's faint but it's definitely there and that's all I need.

"He's still alive!" I shout out to catch the team's attention."Akane request for an ambulance! Kunizuka get me the first aid-kit. We might be able to temporarily stop the bleeding long enough for the ambulance to get here." I quickly order and without a single word Kunizuka left in a run and Akane quickly calls for an ambulance to our destination.

I quickly rip Gino's coat and shirt open. I quickly inspect the stab wounds and much to my relief they seem to be basic stabs. The blade has not been twisted inside the wound which is good and now I'll just cross my fingers that he doesn't have any internal damage. If he does, than there's nothing I'll be able to do to save him. He'll drown in his own blood but so far it seems fairly good. The stabs seem to only be in the abdomen region which is good in a way. His chest hasn't been touch so I know his lungs are going to be fine which is huge right now.

Kunizuka arrives with the first aid kit and I quickly put on the disposable gloves. Kunizuka puts on a pair as well as she helps me to apply pressure on the wounds with dressings. Pops finally out of his shock takes out a pouch of blood and helps to stick the tube into Gino's arm and now all we can do is wait for the ambulance to arrive. Gino don't you dare die on me; hang on just a little longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Ginoza**

That's me but I'm right here so why am I also there? 

I don't feel anything, not the coldness of the ground or the chill in the air. The me who's lying on the ground is completely covered in blood. I can barely recognize myself but Kougami said that it was me and yet I'm also over here. 

Am I… Dead…?

No that can't be, Kougami said that I was alive so why is this happening? What's going on!?

I hear the siren of the ambulance quickly approaching as Kougami, dad and Kagari lift my limp body off the ground. Kunizuka follows closely holding the blood pouch from behind as Tsunemori just looks on with a terrified expression on her face.

"Alright, the medical drones should be able to take over from here." Kougami says as they lower my mangled body back unto the ground.

"Why isn't anyone taking care of the hostage?" I ask but what's the point they can't hear me. 

Kagari had placed the hostage on the ground near the entrance so he could be able to help dad and Kougami. She's been unconscious for a while now and no one seems to mind... 

No… 

She's gone like the other girl I saw before isn't she…? 

The human remains allows me to know that the target has indeed been neutralised but we still failed. That little girl doesn't have a future anymore because we failed her…

The medical drones arrive to pick my body up and transfer it onto a stretcher and I quickly follow fearing what would happen if I go too far from my body. 

What would happen if I would distance myself from it, would it die? Or am I dying and that's why I'm like this, as if I'm one foot in the land of the living and a foot in death…

I enter the ambulance as the drones close the door and it starts driving off leaving the team behind. I've often had to call for an ambulance but I never had the chance to ride in one but nothing special goes on in here. The drones are just tending to my wounds as one is controlling the bleeding while the other replaced the blood pouch when the previous one became empty. 

The faces of my division are cemented in my mind… I messed up big time. It wasn't dad that attacked me wasn't it? It was Shibada hiding under a hologram wasn't it? He used the appearance of one of my enforcers just so I would lower my guard and it worked…

Dad specifically requested that I never call him anything but Masaoka while out on the field. So, it's impossible that Shibada knew that he was my dad to begin with. Lucky pick I guess; worst part is that I fell for it and now I'm going to pay for it with my life.

They say that when you die your whole life flashes right in front of you so is that what it is? Instead of it flashing through me I'm stuck between both worlds to reminiscence about my past. Maybe once I've done that it will all be over or maybe my body just doesn't want to give in and it's just trying to hold on no matter what?

Maybe it's something like that or maybe it's not. There's really nothing that I can do about it at this point it would seem. All I can do is watch the drones clean my head from all the blood and I can't help but ask myself if I really want to live like that. All those stab wounds and my head injuries... Will I ever be the same again?

The ambulance starts to slow down and once it comes to a stop, the doors open without delay. The medical staff of the MWPSB is the first thing I see once the doors open as they quickly take over from the drones and waste no time pulling the stretcher out of the ambulance. They proceed to rush me inside and in all haste they lead the stretcher into the operation room.

The staff is in a complete panic as they all rush to get their equipment ready and machines working. Everything is just a frenzy as I watch them go by. One nurse does her best to finish what the drones started by cleaning up the dried up blood on my face. Another inspects the wounds on my head as she starts adding stitches to close up the wound. The doctor focuses mainly on my abdomen with the help of two more nurses as they finish setting up the monitors.

My blood pressure is low and my heart beat isn't much better either when it suddenly goes flat and it's just too much. All of this is crazy as I step backward in horror at what's happening. Nothing makes any sense. Somehow, this is all just a dream and I'll wake up at any minute but I can't. And this is somehow real and I'm watching myself dying and I just can't take it anymore.

"Clear!" The doctor says as he sends a jolt to my chest and my heart started again. 

The nurses never wasted a moment as they continue working on my body as if nothing happened. The door opens as another nurse comes in and I exit the room to find my division has just arrived and dad quickly goes to the window to see what is happening. His face is filled with horror as he keeps pacing up and down. He can't stay still while Kougami is just sitting alone in the corner not saying anything. Kunizuka and Kagari are both talking to each other and Tsunemori is simply watching from the window, her eyes fixed on the monitors.

"His blood type is O negative; it's rare enough as it is. If need be, I'll donate some of mine." Dad says as he continues pacing around.

Tsunemori removes her attention from the monitors and turns it towards dad, her expression is calm now compared back at the scene. "Mr. Masaoka, he'll be okay. See Mr. Ginoza's blood pressure is getting higher, a little by little though but still and his heart beat is getting stronger too." She points out, yeah it is climbing a little but they are still pretty low.

"That means nothing; he's lost a lot of blood-"

"Mr. Masaoka please calm down. I've never seen you this way before. You're just like Mr. Ginoza for worrying too much." She says with a smile but it quickly fades away when she looks towards the other as they just stare at her but none dare to speak as dad finally takes a seat, starring at his hands covered in my dried up blood.

"He's my boy." He says in a low tone after a few minutes of silence.

"What?" She asks.

"Nobuchika is my son and my only. I can't bury my child…" He buries his face inside of his hands as he spoke. His voice was shaky and I know that he's crying. 

It's the first time I've ever seen my dad this way. He's always smiling and rarely angry so seeing him this way is really not something that I'm used to see. 

I sit next to him as I try to place my hand on his shoulder but I can't touch him. It's as if there's an invisible wall around him and I just can't get through, like it's repelling me.

Tsunemori, I can't say if she's shocked at finding out that Masaoka is actually my dad or not. I always thought it was rather obvious that he was. Even though I never wanted to admit it, I resemble him too much to be mistaken for someone else's kid. But honestly, it hurts seeing him breaking down like this. 

I never thought I'd ever see him this way. I really did it this time didn't I…? I screwed up and made it worst for everyone, even though they haven't said anything, they are all worried and all they can do is hope for the best.

I get up and go to the door of the operating room and try the push the door open but nothing, it won't budge. It's only when a nurse exits the room can I enter. The staff are now a little more relax and by the looks of it, the doctor finished treating my stomach as he is now removing his disposable gloves and removing his surgical overall clothing and mask. 

The nurses are finishing cleaning up my body of all the blood and once that is done they lift my body to transfer me to a new clean bed. And without a word, they pull me out of the operating room and towards the hall to set me up in a room while the doctor stays behind to talk with Tsunemori.

"Are you his partner inspector?" He asks

"Yes I am. Is he going to be alright?" Tsunemori acknowledges as the enforcers gather around to hear some news.

"He's in stable condition at the moment but I won't lie that he's in critical condition. The stab wounds are not the problem but his brain is a different story as there was some pressure within the skull. Fortunately I was able to release the strain but he suffers from a traumatic brain injury and to reduce the strain on his other organs I had to place him on life support. That's all we can do at the moment." He states as he takes his surgical cap off his head. "There are some chances that he won't wake up. His brain injury is severe and I've done everything I could." He adds and the reaction would have been the same if he had punched them right in the face instead. It wouldn't have surprised them more or less, this really can't be happening.

I turn around searching for where the nurses took my body. I don't have to look far to find myself and I froze as there are so many tubes coming out of me. They're everywhere, in my mouth and my nose, I almost don't even look human. 

Footsteps brings me back to this insane reality. Dad is the first one to enter followed by Tsunemori, then Kougami and the rest. Dad quickly goes to my bed, ignoring the nurses as he takes my hand in his. He's trying to hold on to his emotions as he scans my pretty much lifeless body.

"Nobuchika, please wake up." He pleads as he tries to control his voice but he can't hide the shaking. "I'm the one to go first, not you son…"

"How is he?" Shion asks as she enters the room, giving some space for the nurse to exit the room.

"Not good Shion, doc said that he's fallen into a coma and that he might not come out of it because of his brain trauma." Kougami answered as he takes a seat in the far corner.

"Well, that's up to Gino to decide." She simply replies as she looks at the monitor readings.

"Ms. Karanomori?" Akane confused at Shion's statement. 

"He has brain waves so he isn't brain dead and I assure you that he can hear us but either he lives or dies that's solemnly up to Gino to decide." Shion adds as she goes to me, placing a hand on my bandaged forehead.

So exactly what does that mean exactly? That I'm the one that decides if I live or die? 

I have no idea what's going on. Can't anyone feel me here? Yeah I can hear you all but I can also see myself and how is that even possible? Nothing is making any sense anymore.

I sit on the floor in the corner of the room as I try not to go insane by all of this. Nothing makes any sense. Nobody can see me or hear me… Even though they are all here, I've never felt so alone and helpless as I do right now. Hearing everyone voicing their concerns about my well-being and what my condition is, it's just too much as I try to block the sounds by covering my ears but that doesn't work. I can still hear them fine. Why couldn't I have just died in that facility instead? This isn't fair!

"We should give him some rest; I think all of us in here all at once might be too much for him." Shion voices out as I look up. 

I'm in a coma what does that matter if they are all here? And how can she even tell that I'm on the edge of insanity at the moment? 

I get back on my feet to see myself only to find that tears came down my face as dad wipes them with the back of his right hand. 

Did I do that?

Why can't I just die and be done with it? If my brain injury is that bad then what are the chances that I even make a full recovery. I'd rather be dead than be handicap for the rest of my life. I don't want others to feel sorry for me or am I just being selfish? But that's how I feel. I'm so tired of fighting, that's all I've ever done. All my life, I've had to fight just to get by. 

Nothing has ever been easy for me. I'm all alone in this world. Even though dad and Kougami are still alive, they are no longer considered human. So it just comes down to the same thing in the end. When I'm done working, there's no one to come home to. I don't have anyone else. I'm just alone…

The beeping of the monitor suddenly increases and my blood pressure suddenly drops and my heart starts beating faster as the nurses enter in a rush forcing everyone to leave the room. The doctor enters not long afterwards. He quickly asks about my readings and from them he somehow concluded that I need an emergency surgery. That something is wrong with my body and that it seems I might have some internal bleeding.

It's all up to me if I live or die, that's what Shion said... 

What I thought at that moment, is it what effected my body! If so, now I feel guilty. Especially how Kougami had to pull dad away from my body. 

Because of what I was thinking, I might have aggravated my condition. I really am the worst… I drop back in the corner as my body is taken away, I burry my head in my knees. I'm sorry…


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Kougami**

This job is a dangerous one, there's no hiding it. There's no amount of excuse you can make to try and validate the opposite. One moment or the other, you're bound to get hurt or even worse, get killed in the line of duty. 

That fate though rest mainly upon the enforcers, not the inspectors. We are the ones to do the most dangerous work in the field, leaving our inspectors behind in order to keep them safe as they observe our every moves. 

As the enforcers of division one, we screwed up big time. We failed to do our job and because of that, our lead inspector went down. But, it's not going to be us that gets reprimanded for this error. Inspector Tsunemori is the one who will get the heat of it all. She'll have some questions to answer to the top brass as to what actually went wrong during this investigation. Even though certain things just couldn't be prevented or helped, she'll have to explain why Gino was left alone while the target was still at large.

This is a complete nightmare as we wait almost impatiently to know how the surgery went. Needless to say that it's been over an hour already. That alone can't be a good sign.

"My biggest fear has become a reality." Pops says, killing the long silence as he stares at his blood stained hands.

"Gino is strong, he'll pull through pops." I tell him but honestly it was more for myself than anything else. That's all I've been brainwashing myself with for the last hour, he'll pull through. Gino is a fighter he'll be alright; he worked so hard to get here, this can't be how it ends.

Pops releases a long sigh as he looks up at the clock, already one in the morning. I don't think anyone is able to sleep right now as we're all waiting for the news about Gino's condition. 

Kagari has been coming around a few times here and there just to get some news but he doesn't stay very long. He doesn't have to say anything, it's written all over his face that he feels guilty for what happened to Gino. But it wasn't his fault that the ceiling came down on them. It wasn't his fault that the debris blocked their path and that they got separated. There really wasn't anything they could have done differently to have prevented what happened. 

The ones who are at fault for this tragedy are those who allow such worn down buildings to remain standing. By all means, that thing must be almost two hundred years old if not older. And to make matters worse, no maintenance has been made on it for years. That building could have killed us all in there but of course that won't be used as a valid excuse.

"I never wanted Nobuchika to follow in my footsteps. I wanted him as far away from this life as possible but I wasn't able to allow myself to scowl him for his career choice." Pops says as he takes me out of my thoughts, his head low starring at the floor.

"Because it allowed you to see him, I know pops." I finish him off.

I remember when I first started as an inspector in division three and I met pops for the very first time. At first, I hadn't realized who Pops was. I simply figured he was just this veteran enforcer and nothing more. 

Every time Pops would finish working on a report and he no longer had any work to do. He would spend his free time by watching videos of a child playing around. After a while, I got the nerve to ask him if the boy was his grand kid but he quickly denied it. He quickly explained that the boy was his son when he was younger and that now he should be about my age.

That's when I figured out that pops was Gino's father and I could see that his son was his pride and joy. He'd let himself die if it meant it would save his son's life. 

I can just imagine what is currently going through his head right about now. The pain and fear that the doctor will come at any moment and announce that Gino didn't make it or that his condition has worsen. I know that it just keeps floating in pops' mind. I'd be lying if it didn't wander in mine either.

"Seeing him every day makes my day. Even if he's placed a solid wall between us, all that matters to me is that I can see him and hear his voice." He tells me as he looks back at the clock.

"Gino is a stubborn ass and he'll never admit it but all he ever wanted was to see you again pops. He worked so hard just to get here, he's too proud to say it but he loves you more than anything in the world." I tell him and it's not a fabrication just to make pops feel better but it's the truth. 

Pops was a main subject for Gino to talk about when we first met. Yeah, he voiced his anger about pops having become a latent criminal but he didn't hate him for that. His anger was more to the fact that pops was taken away from him at a young age. In a sense, I guess in a way, Gino has a small resentment towards the Sibyl system for taking his father away from him. That fucking heartless machine that just keeps destroying families over and over again…

My father died when I was young so I don't remember the man much. But, when you know you have a father that is still alive but you can't see, hear or touch him has got to be just the worst feeling for one to have. 

The Sibyl system is cruel for cutting off families like that. Most people who became latent criminals would have gotten a better recovery rate if they had been allowed to see their families once in a while but that's not even a possibility. Instead, you are completely isolated from the world. How is that even supposed to make someone better? It fucking can't.

"I know. I can see it in his eyes." Pops tells me as a soft smile forms on his face. 

Yeah Gino can't lie, can't keep secrets or anything, his eyes always betray him. If you don't know him you wouldn't be able to tell. But when you do, he is so easy to read, just like reading a first grade level book.

"Pops if you want to clean up and change your clothes, I'm not going anywhere. I'll message you if something happens." I tell him. His clothes are covered in dried up blood and the smell just reeks off of him and knowing how he is, he probably can't stand the stench.

"Alright Kou, I won't be long…" He replies as he gets up and walks away. 

Knowing how he is, he'll just wash off the blood on him, put on some clean clothes and that will be it. He won't even take the time to take a shower to help him relax a little. As long as Gino isn't confirmed to be truly stable, pops will be riddled with anxiety.

It feels like time is going by so slowly and yet the hands on the clock look like they are on fast forward. It's going to be two in the morning in bout fifteen minutes. Almost two hours has passed since Gino was rushed into the operation room and it's driving me nuts.

The sound of doors opening catches my attention as I hear wheels rolling on the floor followed by footsteps. I get up when I see the doctor coming my way as he removes his surgical cap and brace myself for whatever news he's going to tell me.

"How is he?" I ask.

"He's stabled. He had internal bleeding that I missed earlier and I apologize for that. It was my error." The doctor answers with guilt. Good thing pops isn't here right now, he wouldn't take his error as forgiving, not in his state of mind right now anyway. His error could have cost Gino his life.

"Can I see him?" I ask, not that it would matter the answer he would give me anyhow. Nothing will stop me from seeing Gino. I won't be able to sleep as long as I can't see him with my own two eyes.

"Yes you can." He answers and with that he leaves me to resume his work.

I make my way towards Gino's room as I call pops to let him know about Gino's condition. That he's in stable condition and that he should take the time to take a hot shower. I follow by giving a quick call to Kagari and Kunizuka to tell them the news and hang up as I arrive at his room.

I open the door and let myself in as I close it behind me gently so it doesn't make much noise. He's got so many tubes connected on him, I think he might have more than before. It's hard to take and I have to mentally talk to myself as I slowly approach him. His face is bruised and swollen. His eyes have been taped shut for whatever reason I'm not exactly sure why but it must be for some purpose.

I take the chair in the corner of the room and drag it closer to the bed; I quickly look at the monitor before sitting down. All seem normal except for his blood pressure. It's a little low but then it hit me; Gino always had a low blood pressure so for him I guess it's normal.

No matter how much I stare at him, it just doesn't feel real. That it just can't be Gino who's lying in that bed and yet I know it is. I just don't want to accept it as fact. 

I should be the one lying in that bed...

I'm nothing more than a hunting dog that's got nothing left to lose. And yet, I'm sitting here watching my best friend who might not even live to see next week. That the last time I saw him with his eyes open was minutes before we entered that fucking building.

Shion believes that a person who has fallen into a comatose state can hear everything that goes on around them. When she was studying in her field before becoming a latent criminal. She had found documentation about people describing their experience after waking up from a coma. They described the feeling like they were trapped in total darkness while they could hear everything as if it was distant and yet near. Some have even been able to say what the people around them were wearing at the time. Some were even able to describe every little detail, right down to a someone's tie colour and pattern.

I believe maybe that they might be able to hear us. The subconscious must still be alert at some extend and a part of me wants Gino to hear me but I don't believe that he can see us though. 

Thinking back earlier, just moments before his heart started beating faster and his blood pressure had rapidly dropped. Tears had slid down his face as if he heard what pops had told him. Like he was hurting by the fact that pops was sadden by what happened to him.

A lot of things are currently going through my head as I think back at what Shion had said about either he lives or dies that it's all up to Gino to decide and to what the doctor had told me about the internal bleeding. What if Shion is right? What if hearing pops' hurt tone caused Gino to sink into a form of despair and at that moment he had decided to let himself go…?

"Gino…" There's so many things I want to say but I just can't say it and all that consumes me is anger. I'm angry that I allowed this to happen. 

Back when I met Gino in high school, I always made sure no one would ever hurt him again. I took every hit and shielded him from anything that could cause him pain. During his hardest periods, I was there for him, gave him my support when his mother and grandfather died. I never left his side.

When we were in our senior year, his mother had died the year before so by then he was staying with his grandparents.

One afternoon I came over. Gino went to wake his grandfather from his afternoon nap because we were heading out for a little while just to change the pace when I heard a loud bang so I hurried only to find Gino on the floor his back against the corner of the room with a horrified look on his face. His grandfather was still sleeping and when I touched him he was cold. The autopsy report had said that his heart had simply stopped beating. His death had been painless and peaceful but it had affected Gino pretty bad.

His grandfather was the closest thing to a father figure he had when he grew up. He was very close to him and considering that he had lost his mother the year before it hit hard. Not long after, about two years  later I think. His grandmother decided to go live in a retirement home leaving Gino by himself in his grandparents' empty home.

The sound of the door brings me back to reality as I get up to give the chair to pops. He looks like he hasn't slept in over seventy-two hours straight but I'm glad to see that he listened and took a shower.

"Hey pops… He's stabled." I tell him as I walk out the room without looking back…


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Ginoza**

Tick, tock, tick, tock... That clock is almost hypnotizing as it is annoying. It's enough to drive any sane person crazy… 

I'm bored... I want to wander off for a bit but then again, I don't want to run into any other drama. 

I'm tired and yet I'm not, it's hard to explain how I feel at the moment. I've checked a few times if I could feel my pulse but there isn't one. I can't even feel anything when I blow on my hand. It's like I'm a ghost... Ironic how the very mention of ghost scares me and now I'm one…

I feel like a total idiot for lying on the floor. It's something that I would never do and here I am, just lying on the floor like a complete moron. 

The thing is, I should be uncomfortable for lying on the cold hard floor like this but I'm not. I don't feel any tension at all and instead of feeling pain, I'm quite comfortable. It's strange; it feels like I'm lying on a bed instead of a ceramic floor. 

I wonder what would happen if I stood in front of someone walking?  They should walk through me right? Or would I be repelled from them like when I tried to touch dad's shoulder? Whatever I do in this state, I wonder if it will affect my body or it just doesn't matter. Maybe what happened earlier was just a pure coincidence.

What's going on in the operation room I wonder? My body has been gone for a long time now… 

I wonder how Dime is doing. I left him in his crate when I left for work today. By all means, he must be going crazy right now. I really hope that someone goes to take care of him for me. An animal like Dime shouldn't have to be locked up in a crate. He needs to move otherwise his old joints will suffer. 

Please, someone! Don't forget about him.

I hear doors open in the distance followed by calm footsteps. Not long afterwards, I see four nurses guide my bed back into the room to where it was before. 

One of the nurses carefully inserts back the tubs in my mouth and one in my nose. This time she also adds oxygen tubes in my nose and it just makes me look even worse than before. My eyes have also been taped shut for whatever reason that I don't know. I mean, what's the point of that since I'm obviously not conscious.

Once my bed has been locked into place and all is well secured. Three of the nurses just leaves the fourth one to adjust the monitors and oxygen level on her own. 

The abandoned nurse rolled her eyes as her colleagues left the room in giggles. From what I managed to hear as they walked out, they were actually making fun of others. Like they think they are better than everyone else only because of their profession. 

How pathetic and unprofessional. I feel sorry for the nurse that got left behind to do all the work by herself. She's pretty much the same height as Tsunemori but her frame is much more delicate with blonde hair and pale skin. She looks tired and yet she seems rather contend working here. By the looks of how those other nurses acted earlier, I'm going to guess that she does most of the work around here. I have a hard time imagining her doing all the heavy lifting, she's so small. It's just not right.

"Everything looks fine, you are doing great." She says with a soft smile as she continues working on the monitors and then makes sure that everything is functioning properly. 

"My shift is over now. When I come back in tomorrow, I want to see you here okay?" She talks to me as if I'm actually awake which is odd. But it also kind of feels nice, it makes me feel less alone and that I'm still alive.

She walks away and closes the lights before shutting the door gently when she left the room. It's odd but I wish she had stayed a bit longer. Her company was somewhat soothing and her presence was comforting.

The only thing keeping me company is the digital sound of my heart beeping mixed in with the clock ticking. The occasional sounds of the oxygen machine blends in with the sounds in the room but none of it is helping me.

Steady footsteps outside the room catch my attention as the door opens and much to my surprise, its Kougami. I honestly didn't expect to see him at this hour. One things's for sure, he looks terrible and is in need to get some major sleep. 

But, it's not just that... 

I watch Kougami close the door and for a few seconds, he just stares at my body like I'm some sort of alien. He stays like that for a few minutes before he goes for a chair in the corner, bringing it closer to the bed.

He just sits in the chair, doesn't say anything as he's just lost in his thoughts. I know a lot of things are going through his head right now. Kougami has always been hard to understand but after knowing him for so long it just seems to be natural now. 

A rage is building up inside of him; I can see it in his eyes. I know that he's blaming himself for what happened but the only one at fault for what happened back there is me. 

It was my decision to turn around and go by myself. And now that I've had time to calm down and really think about what were my options at the time. Was there really no way to go through that debris? 

Kagari was on the other side, he could have helped me to clear the path and I could have managed to fit through, maybe. It would have been time consuming but it probably would have been possible. I just wanted to hurry to save that little girl and in the end what good did that do? She died and I ended up causing a lot of problems for my division.

Kougami always had my back ever since we've met back in high school. But, he also went behind my back and picked fights with those who used to bully me in school too. Of course he never told me that part. Knowing how he is, he probably thinks that I don't know but years of being bullied doesn't just stop like that. It wasn't just a coincidence that it suddenly stopped the moment I met him. It only stopped because he made it happened. That's just how Kou is. He always placed others' wellbeing before himself and in the end, it backfired on him.

I feel like giving Kougami a smack in the back of the head right now. It would probably snap him back to reality and to the Kou that I know. He looks like a puppy that just got bitten by a larger dog and just doesn't know what to do with himself anymore. He just looks totally defeated. 

First of all, he could use some sleep. I've been telling him constantly ever since I met him that three to four hours of sleep every night just isn't enough for a human body to function properly. In turn, he always just shrugs it off like it's nothing but he on the other hand isn't shy to tell me when I overwork myself.

"Gino…" His voice is low and faint but he doesn't say anything else. Instead he grows quiet for a few minutes before getting on his feet when the door opens and its dad. He also has an exhausted expression on his face and he looks like he aged ten years in a few hours.

"Hey pops… He's stabled." Kougami tells him as he walks away and now it's just me and dad… No just dad and my lifeless body I should say…

He closes the door and makes his way to the chair Kou had been sitting in as he takes a hold of my hand. "Nobuchika… From the moment you opened your eyes I couldn't love you more. You were my whole world and I vowed that I would always protect you until my last breath. I love you so much son, I just hope that you knew that." He tells me as he presses my limp hand on his lips.

I know that you love me dad. I'd have to be stupid to have missed seeing that. I'm the one who's been a total ass towards you. And yet, you never reprimanded me for it. I guess in a way, I kind of hoped that you would say something about it but you never did. You simply took it all like it was nothing. 

At first, I was just letting my anger out unto you and after a while all of that anger went away and I felt better. But now, I don't know why I even do it. I guess, maybe it's to get a little more of your attention.

"I failed as a father on so many ways. I wasn't there to see you grow. I was the source of all the suffering you had to endure all those years and I wasn't able to shield and protect you like a father should have." He tells me as he gently strokes my hand with his thumb. "When you became an inspector, it truly scared me son. Because I knew what this job involved and I feared for your safety. But I believed in you, so, I decided that I would do anything to protect you as your enforcer but I failed at that also." He adds as a tear comes rolling down his cheek, quickly wiping it away with his right hand. 

Dad… What would you do if you knew that it was your face I saw when I was being pierced through? That I believed at that moment that you were trying to kill me but I knew something was wrong. You wouldn't have done something like that and I hope you never have to find out about that either.

"I loved your mother so much; we were inseparable when we were younger. From the moment I saw her, there wasn't anyone else that could deviate my attention from her. She was my angel and we married when we finished high school too." He recounts and that brings a smile to my lips.

Yeah, mom told me how you two had met for the first time. How she declined to have a relationship with you three times before she finally said yes just to see how interested you really were in her. It was one of my favourite stories when I was younger, especially after you were taken from us dad. It was one of the rare moments that made her smile.

"When I finished my studies, we decided that we wanted to start a family of our own. But, there were some complications and your mother kept suffering from so many miscarriages. It broke your mother's heart and she blamed herself so much for it. The doctors told us that she'd never be able to carry full-term and the idea of having our own family was something we should forget about." He says and I didn't know that. 

I remember asking mom why I didn't have any siblings when I was younger and all she told me was that she didn't want another child because I was all she ever wanted. I didn't know she had so many complications.

"Two years later in May, we got the news that your mother was pregnant again. Every week that past by our joy grew bigger and bigger but it came at a price." He tells me and continues. "During that pregnancy, your mother was so ill to the point that she had to stop working and was constantly bed ridden because of it. I feared that it would have killed her. She was so thin and pale by the time she entered her second trimester but she didn't care. All she cared about was the baby." 

Dad looks so sad as he spoke, always holding my hand. I really didn't know that mom was so sick. It only proves how much she loved me, how much they both did. I wish I could ask dad so many questions right now, to have just a one on one talk with him but I never got the occasion to do so. There's always someone around and I always get interrupted, it's so frustrating…

"Twenty-eight weeks later I got a call late at night on the job that your mother had entered into labor and was currently at the hospital. Your mother had just entered her third trimester but she was still just seven months along in the pregnancy." He adds on to his story and continues. "We wanted a child so badly that the fear of the baby would be still born was all I could think about. How ill she'd been and I wasn't there with her in the delivery room, that made it all the worst." 

Sounds like I was already a pack of trouble even before I was born as dad continues telling his story to my almost lifeless body. It seems like there was always something that kept going wrong. The anxiety that mom would miscarriage at any moment, then dad having to worry for both of us when mom was ill and then she goes into labor too soon. Why didn't mom tell me any of this? Even my grandparents never felt the obligation to share this story with me.

A smile grew on dad's face and somehow all the fatigue just suddenly vanished from his face. "I will always remember that night. We were hit with an unusual snow storm and I had a hard time to get to the hospital because of the terrible road condition. But when I arrived, there you were in the ventilator with oxygen tubs in your little nose right next to your mother's bed and she just glowed with joy. We were told that you were going to live and be healthy. Only thing was that you had to stay in the hospital for a while but that was alright with us." He further adds and I can sense his pride in his tone as he spoke.

So I guess, it's not the first time I have tubs sticking in me so it's not a first for dad but this isn't the same. He knew back then that I was going to be okay but no one knows how I'm going to be now. 

I don't understand anything and all I can do is to keep on thinking back at what Shion said earlier. About how it's all up to me to decide. Like how can I decide? How can I end this?

"I came every day. Every morning and night to see you. I waited a month just to be able to hold you in my arms and I couldn't be prouder. During the time you were in the hospital, you opened your eyes for the first time when I held you in my arms." He tells me proudly as he presses his lips against my hand again. "Your mother was never able to become pregnant again but we had the most beautiful child anyone could ever ask for. You were more than enough. You were our little miracle. We might have spoiled you a little too much and a lot of times I should have told you no but you were a good kid. You always followed me around the house when I'd come home and I enjoyed every minute of it."

Listening to dad tell his story is helping to put me at peace. His presence and his voice has always been a source of comfort even if I don't want to admit it. I'm glad that he's here, I really am.

"Nobuchika… You've had a hard life and you've struggled so much. If you wake up, you will be in a lot of pain but you will be alive and you will heal with time. But… If you rather go, I have no right to stop you. I want you to come back to me, I don't want to have to say goodbye but I can't keep you here out of my own selfishness. What you decide son, I will always love you and I will miss you until the day I die but I won't leave you until this is over. I just want you to be happy. I just want to see you smile again son." He tells me as he gets up and places his hand on my head as he gently ruffles my hair and kisses my forehead before sitting back in the chair and closes his eyes to sleep. 

He's really not going to leave me… 

I don't know what to say just that I'm glad not to be alone as I sit on the ground behind his chair and lay my head against the back of it, holding my knees against my chest with my arms.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Kougami**

This morning, I finally finalized my report about last night's case. To be honest, it took me way too much time to complete but my head just isn't here this morning. I was about to send it to Gino out of habit. Fortunately, I remembered that I had to send it to Tsunemori instead.

I look around the office that has grown much too silent compared to what I'm used to. In a way, I wish things would just return back to how everything was. I wish that things had turned out differently yesterday but it's done. I can't undo the past, no matter how much I want to.

Kunizuka is quietly reading her magazine like she always does when she's finished with her work. Kagari on the other hand finished his report about an hour ago. Looks like he's sleeping but with his head in his arms, I can't see his face so I'm not sure if he's really sleeping or not.

I'm surprised that Kagari isn't playing his games like he usually does but the peace and quiet is something I don't mind at all this morning though. As much as I find this awkward silence in the office a bit morbid, the tranquility isn't bad.

Pops still hasn't showed up. Normally, he's usually the first one to come in so I guess he won't be leaving Gino's side until it's all over. Not that it actually surprises me considering how he is. 

I stare at Gino's empty work space; it feels so strange looking at it. Knowing that Gino was supposed to be on duty this morning and today was Akane's day off. Everything changed because of what happened last night. Gino is unavailable and Akane needs to fill in for Gino... What a mess...

"Good morning!" Akane's voice breaks the silence as she enters the office and goes to her desk. "Where's Mr. Masaoka?" She asks as she puts her jacket away in the corner of her work-space.

"With Gino…" Kagari answers with his head still in his arms. I guess he wasn't sleeping, more like sulking but he caught us by surprise though. I think even Kunizuka believed that he was taking a nap.

"That's where you went this morning? How is he?" Kunizuka asks as she puts her magazine away.

"Stabled but nothing different… Masaoka refuses to leave Gino's side until he wakes up." He replies never bothering to lift his head up to look at us as he spoke.

"It's okay if Mr. Masaoka stays with Mr. Ginoza. Our division is on standby anyway…" Akane states as she sits down and starts her computer.

"Did you get in trouble inspector?" Kunizuka asks and that's something I've been wondering too. 

Remembering a few years back when I had just transferred to division one. We had a case similar to the one we had last night. The suspect had taken a hostage and we didn't make it in time to save her. 

We had a small mishap, it wasn't anything too major but Gino ended up getting injured. The blame fell on my shoulders even though we had accomplished to take down the suspect. It didn't matter because I had allowed my partner to get injured on the field. I didn't have his back as they said back then of which only further boiled my anger. And considering what happened last night, the scenario was much worst so I'm ready for anything.

Akane rests her elbows on her desk as she lays her chin in her hands followed by a sigh. "No, but considering what happened and Mr. Ginoza's current condition. It was decided that we would be ineffective in the field so we are simply on office duty for the time being."

That's surprising but it figures that's what the top brass would have decided. I'm Just relieved that Akane didn't get in trouble for what happened. She did her job well. That's all I can say but still, I'm a little surprise that they didn't jump at her throat. Maybe the fact that she's a rookie is what saved her in this case.

"Will Gino get reprimanded for it when he wakes up?" I ask as I turn my computer off. 

If Akane didn't get into trouble for what happened then does the top brass plan on pinning it all on Gino instead? It wouldn't be the first time they would do something as shrewd. Or are the enforcers going to get the punishment for bad behavior?

"No… Nobody will be punished for what happened. The chief understood perfectly what happened that caused Mr. Ginoza to get separated from the enforcers which then lead to his unfortunate attack. It just couldn't be helped…" She answers as she starts typing on her keyboard.

That's not necessarily true… Couldn't be helped is far from the truth. 

The moment Gino called Tsunemori to alert her of the current situation. It was my job or pops' to leave and go look for Gino but we didn't do that. We stayed with Tsunemori because we believed at that time that she needed us the most but we were wrong…

"Good then… If we are on standby there's nothing else for me to do here. Call me if anything comes up…"I tell her as I get up and walk out of the office.

Temporary desk duty, more like undisclosed vacation with a pay at the end of the week. As long we don't get a case to investigate, we enforcers have absolutely nothing to do. 

Akane will be the one with the most work during this whole thing. She'll have to approve our reports about last night's investigation and then she will have to write a major detailed report to send to the chief which would have been something that Gino would have done instead.

The CID floor is quiet, nothing much going on this morning as usual when suddenly the alarm goes off. That sends a bad taste in my mouth. If we hadn't screwed up last night it would be us that would go out to handle the area's stress level. Not division three…

"Shinya." That familiar voice catches my attention as I turn around.

"Shion…" I reply back. She has a gloomy expression plastered on her face this morning, matching her tone.

"I just got back from visiting Ginoza… He's a real roller-coaster. If there's something you want to tell him, I'd suggest that you do it now before you never get a chance to while he's still alive." She tells me… So his health is slowly starting to deteriorate…?

"What does it matter…? It's not like he'll hear what I'm saying anyway…" I blurt out the words quicker than it took to process in my mind. 

I honestly never believed that he could hear me to begin with. How can he? When you're sleeping, you can't hear what others are saying around you. So why could you suddenly hear what's happening while in a coma? It just doesn't make any sense nor is it logical what so ever.

"Shinya listen to me. He might not be conscious but I assure you that he hears everything that's going on around him." She tells me, her expression became serious as she spoke. 

Maybe she's right. A part of me wants to believe what she's saying is true but the other part just can't… To me, it just doesn't make any sense. I just can't comprehend that logic.

"Ginoza needs you right now. He needs his father but he also needs his friend by his side, he can't do this on his own. He's struggling and fighting among himself. Help him to come back Shinya." She adds and asks,"Do you want him to even come back?"

Of course I want Gino to come back to me. His death is the last thing that I want to happen. Just thinking about Gino dying is sending shivers down my spine.

The thought that Shion would even suggest it in the first place just makes my anger boil even more. However, her facial expression is still as serious as it was a few minutes ago only helps to calm the anger a little. It's not every day you see Shion with that expression, usually she's just calm and soft.

"What kind of question is that Shion? Of course I want Gino to come back! I don't want him to die!" The words come out from my mouth, not even giving time to think as I said each words. If Gino dies… I'll never be able to forgive myself.

"Then I'll be direct with you Shinya. He's dying; more like he's allowing himself to die. Ginoza isn't fighting anymore so if you truly care for him then go to him. Give Ginoza a reason to fight before it's too late." She quickly replies as her expression softens and gently places her hand on my shoulder before walking away.

Kagari said that he went to visit Gino earlier this morning. He said that he was stabled and nothing had changed. Now Shion says that Gino is a roller-coaster that just keeps on declining. 

If it's true that Gino can still hear us and is aware of everything that goes on around him. What the hell did pops say to him? He wouldn't tell Gino that he could…? No, not in a million years. Pops would never even come to that conclusion would he?

Before I even realized where I was going, I found myself going through the medical center's doors. Walking straight to Gino's room and there he was exactly where I last saw him yesterday. Pops sitting in the chair I had sat in only hours before, almost half asleep when he looks at me.

"Pops, I'll keep watch for a while." I tell him.

Pops doesn't say anything only acknowledges with a nod as he gets up. He looks so damn tired and like he aged twenty years in a time span of twenty-four hours.

I watch him walk out of the room and close the door before turning my gaze back onto Gino. All those tubes stinking in him is hard to swallow... Oxygen tubes, I.V, another tube in his nose that seems to be sucking something out of him which I honestly don't want to know. 

The beeping of the heart monitor is all that fills the room with the tick, tock of the clock. I take a seat as I observe Gino's face, trying to see any hint of possible life left in that lifeless body but I just can't…

How did it come to this? 

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time since my demotion. Gino was in a very good mood, he seemed somewhat happy. It had been a while since the last time I saw him that way. 

Gino was much more talkative with Kagari and Pops. He also seemed more relaxed too. Ever since Akane started to be more comfortable in her job, Gino started to loosen up. He's finally caught a break and I'm relieved to know that. 

Last night, it was just to capture a latent criminal. That was it, nothing special or anything grand. It was nothing we hadn't dealt with before and yet it all turned sour in a matter of minutes. 

One moment, we were all sitting together talking about past crimes and real ghost towns. And the next thing, I'm starring at my best friend dying. How did it come to this?

"Gino… I don't know if you can hear me…" My voice blends with the sounds of the monitor and clock. 

I feel stupid talking knowing that I won't have a response in return as I keep my gaze on his face. His eyes are still taped shut and for some reason it just fucking bothers me.

"I know you've had a hard life and I know that you don't have anyone to go home to but please Gino you can't go, not like this." I say as I stand up and step closer to the bed. I place my hand on his; tightening his lifeless fingers into mine as if maybe he will feel it.

Even though the nurses washed him the best they could, I can still see some traces of dried blood in his hair. I know considering the extent of his injuries, washing him clean is not an easy task. But, seeing him filthy like this hurts so much. I don't like seeing Gino like this. He shouldn't be in this position...

"I let you down when I became a latent criminal and in the end I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most and I'm so sorry." I add as I fight back to keep my emotions in check as I feel my eyes burning.

His hand, it feels so frail under my touch and even though he hasn't been in this state for long. I can tell that he already lost some weight. He was already thin to begin with; he couldn't afford to lose any… 

"Gino you have to stay. The only reason why I was able to bare being an enforcer was because I could still be with you. I was still able to watch your back and that was okay with me. You're my best friend, I know you're sick and tired but I need you to stay." I further add as I tighten my hold on his hand as I spoke

I relunctantly let go of Gino's hand. I wish that Gino would just show me a sign that he's still there but nothing. His hand remained limp during the whole time that I held it. I guess I was hoping, if I held his hand long enough he'd somehow feel it. That it would be enough to pull him out from wherever is mind is.

I rub my face with my hands to try and stop my eyes from burning, taking deep breathes as I pace up and down in the room. Keep it together Kou, don't break down now. You can't afford to break. 

I look back at Gino and then my eyes wander towards the monitors. His heartbeat isn't strong nor is it weak and his blood pressure is lower than what it was yesterday.

What Shion said yesterday, that either he lives or dies that it's all up to Gino to decide. He can't be choosing death. Gino, damn it! You can't go, not like this! If someone is to die it should be me. I'm nothing more than a latent criminal, a hunting dog who's got nothing left to lose.

"You can't die, if you really can hear me Gino please stay and wake up."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Ginoza**

I can't sleep but I'm so tired... 

I feel heavy and yet light... It's hard to explain exactly how I feel. I don't feel like myself and yet I still do... Does that even make any sense?

This state that I'm in is just so hard to explain and even harder to understand myself... 

The night was long as I watched dad try to sleep in the chair beside my bed. Every time he would manage to fall into a slumber, he'd get woken up by a nurse who would come to check up on me. Sometimes it was to change the serum pouch with a new one. Other times it was to empty the jug under my bed. 

To be honest, I still can't believe just how much is being drained from my body. I never knew that anything could get drained from just inserting a tube through the nose. Even now, I'm not exactly sure what is being drained. The only thing that I do know is that the fluid is thick and a brownish colour. It's looks absolutely disgusting.

Anyway... I'm glad that dad is here. I don't feel so alone but it also hurts to see him this way. I know that he's in pain right now and the cause of it is because of me. Like always, I've caused him grief...

I'm a terrible son in every possible way. I've been so rude and disrespectful towards him but he never distanced himself from me. Everything I threw in his face, he took it all without ever raising a voice at me of disapproval…

If I'm really the one who decides if I live or die. Is it selfish for wanting it to end? I'm so tired of everything and if I wake up, everything will go back as it is. I will heal in the hospital ward for a few days, maybe a few weeks and then I will be sent home to recuperate. There won't be anyone there to greet me, no one to come by or call… I'll be completely alone in my empty home.

After studying so hard, I finally became an inspector but it didn't change anything. People who knew me back then still only see me as a latent criminal's son. I'm nothing more than trash in this society whose fate to become a dog is only a matter of time. 

All those late night studying... All those cases that I solved and the innocent victims that I couldn't save and the ones that I did. All of that, it all came to nothing to the eyes of society. No matter what I do, I'll never be good enough so what's the point of even trying anymore...

What comes after? 

It's the unknown that scares me the most. It's the answer to the same question that people have asked themselves since the beginning of time but no right answers can ever be given. Only theories can be made and the rest, you just hope for the best. 

Some say once you die you go directly to heaven. While others say that you can only go to heaven once judgement day come but only if you are saved by the words of god. That if you chose not to believe in his words, that you won't be saved and you will go to hell and suffer for all eternity. 

Others say that there is no heaven or hell and that when you die, it's completely over. And others believe that when you die, you are reborn as another being and the endless cycle continues. 

I don't know what to believe anymore. I never thought I'd ever find myself in this kind of position. I never thought that I would find myself in this sort of state. 

Mom had her beliefs but I pushed that all aside after dad was taken from us. There's no way that the god mom spoke of would ever destroy our family that way. All the pain we've endured, I just couldn't accept that was god's will but mom never lost faith. Even when her health got worse and rapidly declined, she stayed firm in her beliefs and then she died. 

It was after mom died that I told myself if there really was a god, I would hate him with all my heart for allowing everything to be taken away from me. 

Is this now a message from it? Is it further punishing me for all the hatred I've given it during the years? If so why doesn't it just kill me already instead of making me suffer? 

I always have to watch those around me crumble and I can't ever do anything to make it all better. First mom, then grandfather and now dad. I don't want to watch anyone crumble anymore, I've had my share, it should be enough.

God, if you're really real then I'm sorry. Is that what you want from me? I'm sorry! Just stop torturing me and just end it already! 

I always put everyone's needs before my own. I've always cared for others before caring for myself so why do I have to suffer like this?

The rapid beeping of the monitors catches my attention as it drags me out of my thoughts as I watch dad jump to his feet all alarmed and worried. Not long after, maybe a few minutes or less, two nurses come in as my heart beat goes flat. 

The dark haired nurse quickly runs out of the room as the other one starts doing compresses to my chest until the doctor arrives with the dark haired nurse with a defibrillator and waste no time opening my shirt and starts sending waves of electricity through my body.

Dad backed away in the corner of the room in order to give space so the nurses and doctor can work freely without him being in the way but I've never seen him so afraid. 

In all my years of working as an inspector, I've had some very dangerous cases and some were close calls but he was never afraid or worried even. If he was, he never showed it but right now all I can see in his face is fear and that just bothers me. It's not how I knew him. Just seeing another side to dad like that, it's not something he meant for me to see…

"We got a pulse!" The dark haired nurse states accompanied by relief in everyone's face as the doctor puts the defibrillator away in the corner near my bed in case they need it back. Just in case, more like probably.

"You sure are giving us a workout." The doctor tells me before checking the readings on the monitors and then leaves the nurses to continue their work.

"Why did his heart stop?" Dad's voice kills the odd silence in the room. Only the dark haired nursed acknowledged dad's question. The other simply acts as if she didn't hear him.

"It often happens with these types of cases. It's probably just that he wasn't getting enough oxygen so we'll turn it up a bit and see what happens." She answers in a soft tone to help reassure dad that everything was alright. 

The other nurse just rolled her eyes as she left the room, not even bothering asking her colleague if she needed help with anything. Just terrible and to think that when our enforcers get injured, it's nurses like her that takes care of them. Clearly she didn't even care to simply answer an enforcer who was worried about someone else. 

That nurse must be somewhat aware about what kind of relationship we have and yet she can't give him any respect. Not that I have any rights to talk about that. I haven't been the nicest person when it comes to our enforcers but I never wished any harm to come to any of them. 

When we go out on a case, I always advise them to use extreme caution. As an inspector, I should only worry about my own safety and the safety of my partner. Inspectors are not so easily replaced while enforcers are but I can't do it. Even if they are considered society's garbage, I don't want to find any of them dead…

"Is there anything I could do for you?" Her question was cheerful but dad answered no and she left the room.

The sounds of the monitors are the only thing that fills the room along with the clock on the wall. I get closer to the monitors to check the readings, seems everything is back to normal. 

I didn't lack oxygen back there didn't I…? 

My heart stopped because that's what I wanted. Dad said that it was okay if I wanted to go but when my heart stopped, I got scared. If I really want to end this, it won't be sudden will it? 

I will have to see dad watching me die while the nurses and doctor tries to bring me back without success and I'll have to see dad's face full of fear again. I don't want anyone around; I don't want to have to look into their faces when I go.

I don't know what is worst. Having to endure dead silence or having to hear constantly the same sound over and over again? Just sitting in the corner of the room starring at the clock is madning. Five minutes has past and then fifteen and look at that almost an hour now... 

For some reason, it feels like time is passing by quickly or maybe I'm starting to lose the feel of reality and everything is just spiralling out of control in this state.

This morning there's a lot of vogue coming in and out of the room, it's really annoying. After a while, I just decided to ignore them and how surprising that how I'm feeling is being shown on my body. 

My blood pressure dropped pretty low and then went back up again to only go back down. My heart also decided to join in the party and started beating faster and then dropped to a low and went back to normal. 

During that time, Kagari stopped by but he didn't stay long. Shortly after, Shion came by to see how I was doing. She talked with dad about how I'm not doing too good from what the doctor told dad earlier. 

I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of living in this empty world, I just want to end it and all I want is to be left alone but dad refuses to leave. Shion offered to have coffee with him down at the lobby but he refused, preferring to stay here with me. It's almost as if he knows what I want to do and he wants to be here when I do it.

After Shion left, the room fell quiet again. Well, the normal quiet that is for this room. Dad looks so tired as he's just sitting in the chair that he's been occupying all night. 

Why does he have to do this to himself? 

The doctor already said that I wasn't doing well. He basically told Pops in between the lines to not hold his hopes up. That I'm probably not going to make it and it's just a matter of time. 

Shion didn't just offer him to have coffee with her just for the fun of it either. She's not stupid. She knows that I'm dying and she's just trying to drag dad away from me for his own good. 

With her believing that I can hear what's going on around me. She probably doesn't want me to hear what she has to tell dad. Not that she's wrong though. I can hear all and see everything but I wish that I couldn't see anything. Things would be easier if I didn't have to see everyone…

The sound of the door opening catches my attention as Kougami enters the room, waking up dad from his light sleep. "Pops, I'll keep watch for a while." He tells dad. He doesn't say anything, just nods as he gets up and walks out of the room but I'm still not alone…

Kou turns his attention towards me once the door closes. He just stands there staring at me for a few minutes before taking a seat that dad had been sitting on. 

Just like before, Kougami looks at me like I'm some sort of creature lying on the bed and he's afraid that it's going to jump up at any moment. Yeah I get it, it's hard for me to look at myself. I have so many tubes sticking in me that I almost don't even look human.

"Gino… I don't know if you can hear me…" His voice takes me by surprise. I didn't expect him to say anything just like the other time. He looks like a beaten puppy that got abandoned after its owner whipped it. He looks terrible, definitely not the Kougami that I know.

"I know you've had a hard life and I know that you don't have anyone to go home to but please Gino you can't go, not like this." He says as he stands up, coming closer to my body and takes my hand in his, tightening his grip.

I don't want to hear it, please don't Kougami. Don't make me feel worse than I already am. Please just let me go. Of all people, you should understand. I don't have anything left and just like you once said about this society that we live in, there is no freedom. Everything is just shoved down our throats. Everything is already decided for us so please Kougami just give me the freedom to let me go in peace.

"I let you down when I became a latent criminal and in the end I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most and I'm so sorry." He adds. 

It's the first time I've ever seen Kou like this. Actually, he looks like he's on the verge of tears. But if there's someone to blame for your demotion Kougami, it's me. 

As your partner, I failed to stop you. The Specimen Case took a piece out of all of us. If it would have been dad that had ended up like Sasayama, I think I would have down spiraled just like you did. Who knows, maybe we both would have ended up in the dog pound together… 

The decision that I took caused me to be like this. It was my own doing and not yours Kougami so please stop blaming yourself for my stupid mistakes!

"Gino you have to stay. The only reason why I was able to bare being an enforcer was because I could still be with you. I was still able to watch your back and that was okay with me. You're my best friend. I know you're sick and tired but I need you to stay." His voice is starting to crack by the end as he lets go of my hand and he just paces around the room. 

He's trying so hard not to lose it and it's just not fair. Dad said that I don't have to fight anymore but if I go, you'll blame yourself for it. 

Kou why can't you just accept that it's over?  Why do I even ask that...? Why did I ever think that you would take my condition and even my death any differently than with Sasayama…?

"You can't die. If you really can hear me Gino. Please stay and wake up." He adds, coming back next to me taking a hold of my hand again. 

I'm so tired. I don't want to fight anymore… I can do it now and it will be all over. It's obvious that I won't ever be left alone so I won't be spared from the looks of anyone's face, not dad's or Kou's. Everything is just so draining as I suddenly feel heavier. My vision is getting blurry and darkening and all I feel is warmth…


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Masaoka**

In this line of work you have to expect to get injured and even killed in order to fulfill your duty. It doesn't matter if you're an enforcer or an inspector. The same fate awaits each of them equally if you're not careful. All it takes is one wrong move and it's all over.

We enforcers are the ones who happen to do most of the dangerous work. Our job is to do the dirty work while our inspectors just watches us from the sidelines. All they do is watch and stay safe but sometimes, no matter how hard we try. We just can't win.

I didn't want for Nobuchika to take this path. I didn't want him to take the exact same path that I took. The very same path that got me into the pound in the first place. 

Everyone knows this little fact. Ten years of service as an inspector, just ten years and then you have it made. After ten years, an inspector qualifies for a promotion into the Ministry of Welfare and then they can live in comfort for the rest of their life.

The general idea isn't bad. To be honest, I understand why those who are qualified for this job would want to take it. But, the thing that they don't know or fail to realize is that in all the years I've been on this job. I have yet to see a  single inspector get promoted. They either get demoted to an enforcer or they get killed on the line of duty before they can accomplish their ten years of service. To me, that promotion to a life of comfort is impossible to reach... 

Nobuchika has accomplished eight years already. He only has to do two more years and he'll be done. He'll finally be away from this dangerous life and I want my son to get that promotion. I want him to get is so badly that it aches but I know all of that is just wishful thinking on my part. I've always known that it was only a matter of time before he'd become an enforcer or worst, dead.

Kou has already fallen into society's disgrace. He was only able to give six years of service and to think that so many had high hopes for him back when he first became inspector...

Kou is now an enforcer and that has caused Nobuchika a great amount of stress for the last two years. And being the only inspector for the division for so long, he has grown dangerously tired. His exhaustion has dragged my son to a borderline burn-out and maybe even a step into depression.

Now, we have the little missy to help manage the division. She can take on the share of the load off Nobuchika's shoulders. But, she's still young and inexperienced. She still has much to learn before she's actually ready to tackle the more serious thing so that doesn't leave Nobuchika with much of a break for now... 

When I was still in division three and news of three young inspectors had join the CID it did quite the stir. It was rare just to get one inspector but three in a single go was something else all together. 

Risa Aoyanagi was placed in division two. As for division three, we were given Kou to fill in the empty seat of the former inspector that had died on duty a few months earlier. So that left my son to be placed into division one much to my dismay. 

I tried on numerous occasions to get transferred into division one. I wanted to be able to watch my son's back myself but every time I made a request, it was denied by the chief. It was only after Kougami got transferred that I was finally able to follow.

Division one is without a doubt the most demanding division in the whole CID. Division one is basically the model division of the CID. Actually, they are the poster team for the MWPSB and because of that, this division must be flawless.

It's because of this expectation that this division is always the first team on call. It's also the reason why we're always the ones to get the most dangerous cases too. So in a way, division one is the most demanding and dangerous team an inspector can be put into. Just knowing that my son had been shoved into it made my stomach churn.

Nobuchika was young and inexperienced at the time. I didn't know much about my own son other than what I remembered when he was just a child and that only fueled my anxiety for his well-being.

I knew before hand that division one was full of unpredictable enforcers and that they were difficult to handle. That bit of knowledge alone did not help to make me relax. 

What got to me the most was the fact that I knew that my boy would always be on the front line. And every time the alarm would go off, the fear dug into my mind. I always had a constant fear that something would go wrong on the job. That one of those days, I would have had the news that my son had fallen in the line of duty. Nothing scared me more than that.

A day after Nobuchika had become a full fledge inspector in his own right. I'll never be able to forget that night even if I tried to. 

Division one headed out to handle a stress level that had risen in the Tokyo district after the target had murdered a man causing the stress level in the area to rise. It wasn't anything new for the division, I guess you can say it was nothing special. 

Anyway, it was actually Nobuchika's first case. A simple stress level that shouldn't have been much of a problem. However, it quickly turned into a full scale disaster and before anyone even noticed what the situation really was it was already too late.

When a criminal flees, they always tend to grab a hostage and then they barricade themselves inside an abandoned building that makes sending in drones impossible. 

The normal protocol in this case is to proceed with caution and to split up with the idea to corner the target. However, that night, the senior inspector of division one back then made a careless mistake. An error that quickly ran a red flag to our senior when we were being sent in to assist. 

With all the possible buildings the criminal could have taken, he chose the furthest. For a senior inspector, he should have seen this as odd or he simply ignored it. Either way, that's an answer we'll never know. 

It turned out that the mad man had rigged the building with explosives. Needless to say, division one was almost completely wiped out that night.

The last transmission that the senior inspector of division one did was to give his location to our team. And that, Nobuchika had been forced to give chase after one of his enforcers who had refused to retreat to assess the situation and regroup. 

If we had never gotten that transmission, division one would have been completely wiped out by that mad man. If I had arrived only a few seconds later, my boy would have been dead that's without a doubt.

In that incident, Nobuchika had received a dislocated shoulder and a broken knee. The injuries resulted in a seven month long injury leave in order to heal properly and to rehabilitate himself. His psycho-pass however had not been effected much and it recovered without problems.

After that case, I was able to coax Kou to go fill in the empty seat in division one. At first he was relunctant but he eventually went for it, leaving division three behind. 

Once Nobuchika had been cleared to return to work, he became the new lead inspector for the division. Although Kou's spot was only supposed to be temporary, things changed. And as we say, the rest was history. Kou stayed and we've been picking up the broken pieces ever since.

I promised myself that I would never allow my son to get hurt on the line of duty again. And since being in division one, I had been successful until last night. 

Nobuchika is smart and he has learned to be very cautious when investigating a case. Even more during wild cases like the one we got last night. 

So what happened son? 

You're not the type to lower your guard even if you had found a dead body of an unknown child. Instead, you would have been even more cautious of your surroundings. You would have been ready to fire your dominator and yet, you didn't. You were given a reason to drop your guard and the only think I can think of as to why you would do that was because you felt a sense of safety. Although you had found a dead body, you didn't feel the need to worry about yourself. It's almost as if you didn't recognize the target that was right in front of you...

I drag my feet back towards the infirmary after I take out a can of tea out of the vending machine. The infirmary has begun to quiet down as the nurses go back to their normal routine. Only a few hours ago, they would constantly go in and out of Nobuchika's room. But, as the hours progress and signs of his eminent death draws closer the nurses are losing interest. It is rather insulting in a way. Alive is alive and dead is dead and as long one is alive, they should be treated as such.

I open the door, Kou is holding my son's almost lifeless hand in his. He looks up as I close the door and then return his gaze to Nobuchika. 

I wish when I left earlier, that in some chance of a miracle when I'd come back that his usual color would have returned to his face and something more would have happened but nothing has changed. No news is good news as they say but this is a never ending tension. I just pray that he's not suffering in this state.

"He lost some weight…" Kou tells me. 

I haven't been gone for very long and I can see that Nobuchika has lost some weight in that short period of time. Serum is only good to keep you alive by giving the body a strict minimum of nutrients. It's not meant to be an alternative for food and if he keeps losing so much weight, he'll be rather frightening.

"I know… He's melting away." I answer as I walk up to Nobuchika to rest my hands on the top of his head. Gently brushing my fingers through the loose hair that isn't trapped under the bandages.

"Gino always had a hard time to pack on the weight. Even before all of this happened. He wasn't underweight but he wasn't far from it either." Kou tells me.

Yes, I'm very much aware of that. My boy inherited that from his mother than me I'm afraid. Ever since he was a baby, weight has always been an issue. Nobuchika isn't particularly a picky eater, he just has a fast metabolism. That alone makes gaining weight rather challenging for him.

On the positive side, Nobuchika doesn't have to watch himself in fear of becoming obese. He can eat whatever he wants and not have to worry of packing on too much pounds. But, when you become ill and you have a fast metabolism, it can be very problematic.

When he was younger, he'd often get dehydrated and we'd have to rush him to the emergency immidiately when he'd get sick. Although strange as it might sound, I'd give anything to have those times back.

"It can't be helped Kou." I answer back as I observe all those tubes sticking in his mouth and nose and that tape on his eyes…

"Tell me pops… Gino's dying isn't he?" The question catches me by surprise as I turn my gaze towards Kou. He looks defeated as he keeps holding on to Nobuchika's frail hand as if he's afraid if he lets go Nobuchika will slip away.

"I want to say that he isn't, that he's doing fine but another part doesn't agree because of how I see the state my boy is in. I don't know Kou. I want my son to stay but in the same time I don't want to see him suffer either. All we can do is wait. Wait, hope and pray for the best, that's all we can do now." I answer.

Pray and hope for the best, that's all I can do in my position. I've done everything that I possibly could for my son and now all I can do is wait. That's all we can do at this point.

I return my attention to my son's eyes. I know for a fact that those tapes can be rather irritating on the skin of the arm so I can just imagine how it must feel on the eyes. The skin around the tape is a little reddish and I have to fight the urge not to remove them. 

I honestly don't see the point of taping someone's eyes when they are in a coma. I understand that taping of the eyes is necessary during an operation but I never heard anything about it being necessary in a coma. Unless, the nurses are just too lazy to re-tape his eyes in case Nobuchika needs another surgery.

"Gino?"

I look at Kou as he lifts his hand holding Nobuchika's hand as his fingers slowly tighten a little to Kou's fingers. I thought that I had imagined a little movement to his eyes earlier but now that he moved his fingers I probably did see his eyes move after all. Kou lets go of Nobuchika's hand and quickly leaves the room to go alert the nurses about the changes. After many hours of tension and balancing between life and death, in the end you chose to stay…


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Ginoza**

How long has it been? 

How long has it been since I could no longer see anything? 

Was everything just a dream from the start…? 

It felt real but what is reality?  I don't know anymore. I feel like I'm trapped inside of a limbo... I feel like I've lost complete track of it a long time ago… 

How long have I been floating in this darkness now? It feels like I've been trapped in this state for ages, maybe centuries even. It's like everything has suddenly stopped around me and I'm simply drifting away into nothingness. 

Am I dead? 

Is this how death feels like? 

Maybe my body finally gave in to the damage that it received. It finally crashed from the pain and my organs just gave away. 

My brain on the other hand is probably still trying to hang on somehow. But without a body, maybe this is all my brain can do at this point before it all ends…

A wave of pain suddenly surges through me. It was faint but I definitely felt some light discomfort in my being. So is this it? Is this a sign that my brain has finally given up?

The pain was more of a light jolt. It wasn't excruciating or anything like that. I was more like a shock you get when you've had too much contact with static and you touch something that's made out of metal. 

The jolt itself took me more by surprise than anything else. Strangely enough, it felt nice… 

How crazy to think something like that could feel good. Pain is pain and it shouldn't be something you'd enjoy. But, I've felt nothing for so long that just being able to feel anything is almost like a blessing.

The same empty feeling consumes me once again in this endless darkness. Somehow after experiencing a slight jolt sensation, this darkness now seems even more unbearable than before. Even if it was a slight discomfort, it still felt nice. Or maybe I'm really starting to lose my mind...

Losing my mind...

I'm dead... I think I've lost my mind a long time ago...

I hate this ever growing silence. I hate this dark void that I'm trapped in. I hate all of it! Everything just feels like an endless eternity and then just like that. Another jolt of pain suddenly rushes through me as a small flash of light invades this endless black. The light was soft and faint but just as it came, it was gone just as fast. And now, all returned to nothing...

Time feels like it's frozen and I can't tell how long it's been since the last wave of pain hit me. It feels like it just happened and yet, it also feels like it happened hours ago...

Without a sign of notice, another jolt rushes through my core followed by that same light. This time, the pain was a little stronger and the light a little brighter as it lingers this time with a distant echo before it all returns back to black all around me.

The echo comes back and seems to be getting closer bit by bit. As it gets closer, I'm able to recognize the echo as human voices but I can't understand what is being said. I can't even distinguish to whom the voices belong to.

It sounds like the echo has gone into fast forward or maybe I'm the one who simply can't keep up. That I'm the one who is completely at a stand still, almost frozen in time. 

It feels like hours or maybe days since I felt that last surge of pain. Or, maybe I'm finally going crazy and none of this is actually real. Somehow I feel like I've been asking myself the same thing over and over again. And yet, I can't remember...

Another flash of pain followed by a stronger flash of bright light hits me. This time, the pain is stronger and lasted much longer than before as it brings the echo closer but I still can't understand what is being said. 

I start hearing other noises mixed in with the voices and I can't help but wonder what it is. I know that sound, I've heard it before I think but I'm not sure. It sounds familiar but what is it? Sounds like something is beeping... Yeah, that's it! It sounds like the beeping of the monitors but I'm dead, how can I hear them? Or is death just the start of another life in another world? No... That just sounds completely stupid and crazy.

Did I return to my body and that's why all I see is this darkness now? My mind is awake but my body doesn't want to cooperate. It's as if my body is keeping my mind prisoner and this sudden pain I've started to feel. Is it from the injuries I've received…?

Another jolt of pain suddenly strikes me again, stronger than before. And which each wave that comes, it gets stronger and it last longer and longer.

It felt like ages before before I felt a jolt of pain. I just didn't know when I would get another one. But now, it feels like they are coming every few hours or maybe even sooner. I just can't tell the time in this state but it feels like time is speeding up. And with each new wave, the pain is becoming almost unbearable.

As the pain keeps intensifying, the darkness is slowly disappearing and is now being overtaken by the bright light. The light itself feels rather warm and the echoes are starting to change into actual words that I can understand.

The voices of women talking, at first it was hard to make out what they were saying. It was as if they were speaking really fast but the speed of their dialogues soon slowed down and I could finally make out the words but I don't know any of the voices. I don't think I ever heard them before but I could be wrong, maybe…

Occasional waves of pain mix in with the voices and the darkness that is being overtaken by the light. The pain is getting worst as time goes by and I almost wish that the darkness would come back. The pain is becoming unbearable. 

I've lost track of the time since I started getting these waves of pain. I'm not exactly sure why I'm still stuck on time but what I do know is that the longer I've been this way, the waves of pain are now coming more frequently and they last much longer. 

With each wave, a dim light fuses with the darkness and the stronger the pain the brighter the light and the voices seem to be starting to slow down a bit into something more understandable when I finally recognize one of the voices. One of the voices belongs to that blonde haired nurse from before. The one that seemed so small and tired and yet content. The only nurse that spoke to me as if I was awake and the other definitely belongs to the nurse that offered dad some comfort back when my heart had stopped the last time.

The voices of the nurses are kind of comforting but that's not the voice I'm searching for. I don't know why I want to hear his voice so badly but I need it more than anything else. I need to hear his voice. Somehow, it will help to confirm that I still haven't lost my mind and that everything is alright. That all of this is actually normal somehow.

Damn it! This pain is getting worst by each passing second. I know I said that feeling pain felt relieving after not being able to feel anything at all for so long but the pain is becoming more than unbearable. I take it back, I wish I didn't feel anything at all but I don't think I'll be able to make it disappear no matter how hard I try.

Where are you? Just say something, anything! It doesn't matter what it is, just say something! Please anything! 

I don't care about the endless beeping of the monitors or that clock ticking in the distance. Nor do I care about the friendly chatter of the nurses. I just want to hear your voice but I can't hear it. It's not there nor can I tell if you're even near me. 

You promised... 

You promised that you wouldn't leave me until it was all over but you left anyway…

"We are off to our lunch break. We'll be back in an hour okay." The blonde haired nurse says followed by leaving footsteps. 

I don't even know to who she was talking to. Is someone else in the room with me or was she talking to me like she did before? I can't tell but now all I hear is the beeping of the monitors and that clock ticking. It's driving me nuts and this pain isn't helping either. I'm no longer feeling waves of pain anymore but the pain is now constantly there. It's not leaving anymore.

"How is he?" That voice, its Kougami… So there is someone else in the room with me, dad?

"The nurses took Mr. Ginoza off the oxygen this morning but no changes." Tsunemori calmly states… I hadn't seen her since I first arrived here. She sounds tired; I guess I'm partly responsible for that.

I hear Kou's footsteps getting closer followed by the sound of a chair sliding on the floor. "Gino will pull through; he always does in the end." He says.

"You know him more than I do Mr. Kougami." She responds.

I could say the same thing, Kou knows Tsunemori more than I do because I never tried to get to know her. Why I didn't try to get to know her better? I don't know but she never tried either and I didn't mind…

"It's a given inspector; I've known Gino longer on both professional and personal level. You can say he's like the brother I never had in a sense but Akane, Gino will be alright." He tells her so casually. 

Like the brother he never had… That's not something he's ever said before. It's rather embarrassing to hear him say that. And his tone, I can tell that he isn't exactly himself either. But he doesn't sound like that defeated guy I saw sitting next to my bed before.

"I know that but coming out of a coma, it sounds so easy for us. Like all he has to do is to open his eyes and that's all there is to it. But for Mr. Ginoza, it must be really hard and what's worse is that there's nothing we can do to help him. I feel like he's trapped between the subconscious and unconscious level." She tells Kou with a pained tone in her voice.

Coma… Is that what it is? I'm in a coma… Was being outside of my body also part of being in a coma? The whole experience wouldn't be that bad if I didn't have to feel this pain. Its intensity has increased again much to my dismay. How I am still sane is a bloody miracle...

"Yeah he's a fighter, always has been." Kou responds, his tone never changing. 

I'm not sure if I can actually be called a fighter because I'm not sure what I'm even doing. How I entered my body again I don't even know and what am I even doing right now? What am I even supposed to do? Am I sleeping? Is that what a coma is or is it more complex than that?

"Mr. Kougami was there something I could have done in that investigation? Something different to prevent all of this from happening?" Akane asks after a long silence.

Huh? 

There wasn't anything Tsunemori could have done differently in that case. There isn't anything I could say that she did wrong. Okay, I was almost freaking out seeing my body on the ground all covered in blood but Tsunemori did her job well. I can't complain.

"As hard it is to accept, no there wasn't anything else anyone could have done." Well answered Kou but it's not exactly the whole truth.

"I still feel like it's my fault." Her voice was low and I can tell that she feels terrible but in all honesty what happened to me was my fault. I let my guard down, I allowed the criminal to fool me under a hollow costume of my dad. I should have known better and I completely dropped my guard when I found that dead little girl. I brought this upon myself.

"Akane did I ever tell you about my first case when I was an inspector?" Kou asks.

Kou, don't tell her that. Please don't. She doesn't have to hear that disaster. Can't you tell that she's already upset enough as it is? It will only cloud up her hue.

"No you haven't." She replies much to my dismay.

"It was a lot similar to the one we just had. A mad man took off with a hostage after having killed a man. He hid himself into an abandoned building without any relay device so we couldn't send in any drones. Division one were the first on the scene of course. It didn't take long before division three, my old division to get a call from division one's senior inspector for aid and as we received the call it was interrupted by an explosion." Kou's voice was low as he spoke. 

The images of that night quickly came flashing back to me as if it had happened just yesterday. I remember the violent shaking of the building as the explosives had exploded. I don't think I'll ever be ever able to forget it even if I tried…

"I was a rookie and all I could think about was that my best friend was just like me, a rookie. Gino had been nervous about having his first case and all I could imagine was finding his body in the rubble." Kou explains and continues. "A few long minutes after, we got a call again from the senior inspector of division one. He was badly injured and couldn't move. Both of his enforcers were dead due to the explosion but Gino had been forced to chase after one of his enforcers who had gone looking for the mad man instead of retreating like ordered to. 

I wish Kou would just stop. I don't want to listen to this story anymore. I don't want to be reminded of my past blunders and about how I'm responsible for the death of two of my enforcers. They died because I wasn't able to control them.

"In the end, that enforcer got himself killed and Gino's second enforcer was also killed after he took a hit that had been meant for Gino. If pops hadn't arrived when he did, Gino would have been killed that night but he was out for several months after that incident. Gino had received a dislocated shoulder and a broken knee." Kou adds… 

My first day on the job and I was already on the injury leave list. How pathetic that had been... My whole division had been annihilated in a matter of seconds… Except for me... I had messed up…

"There wasn't anything he could have done; he just couldn't leave an enforcer behind." Akane state but I can't agree. There were other options I could have taken before all of that had happened. My incompetence back then was the cause for my division's demise.

"True but it didn't stop Gino from blaming himself for what had happened afterwards." Kou quickly replies.

I blamed myself because it was my fault, I won't deny it and yet no one felt the need to say it to my face…

"But it wasn't his fault!" Akane voices out.

"His team had found booby traps, the same that his partner tripped. Gino never reported it on his end and he blamed himself for that. Even to this day Gino still holds responsibility for the deaths of the division but the thing is that he was just a rookie. His partner on the other hand was a nine year old veteran. He knew better and ignored my partner's warning and it caused him his death." Kou states.

You're wrong Kou, it was my fault. It didn't matter if I was a rookie or not. It should have been common logic to alert my partner of my findings and I didn't. If I had called him, then he would have been alert to the traps. He wouldn't have died, none of them would have died.

"… I didn't know that…" Akane mutters.

"Everyone on this job has had rough cases. It's not worth it to stick on the bad ones. Instead, focus on the good ones and that's how you can continue doing this job. I can't deny this line of work is dangerous but someone has to do it." I hear dad's booming voice.

The pain seems to have stabilized somehow. It's really weird, strange even… 

Everything is just so bright, it's painful as if I didn't feel enough pain as it is. The brightness is starting to fade and I can finally start to see clearly. White ceiling, white walls and that clock ticking over the door frame. And under it stood the one that I wanted to hear so badly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Kougami**

A week has passed since Gino had first shown signs of regaining consciousness. His fingers and eyes moving only slightly was enough to confirm that he was coming back to us. 

After that, it felt like all the progress had come to a sudden halt. Gino was no longer improving nor was he worsening but the wait was almost killing me. 

We all knew at that point that Gino was going to pull through. We just didn't know when he would come back and that was the worst. just sitting here, waiting. 

The doctor had told us that it could take a few days, weeks or months even for Gino to regain complete consciousness. Everything would depend on the extent of his brain damage and how quickly it would heal.

Pops was the one who pointed out that Gino was awake when he entered the room that morning. Akane and I were talking and hadn't even noticed when Gino had opened his eyes. He didn't say anything either so I felt rather stupid for having missed that but what mattered was that Gino was finally awake.

At first, it looked like he was completely disoriented. It was as if he didn't even know where he was before going back to sleep. This kind of behavior occurred a few times for the next couple of days. 

At first, the most Gino could manage to stay awake was a few minutes. And then, slowly it prolong to ten minutes and bit by it the time slowly increased. After five days, Gino can now stay awake up to an hour before exhaustion takes over him. 

The doctor confirmed that it was completely normal for an individual who just came out of a coma to behave this way. Shion further reassured us that it's very exhausting for someone coming out of a comatose state. Just being able to open their eyes required a great amount of effort. Apparently, when someone enters a comatose state, their brain doesn't rest. It constantly works and that's the main reason as to why they are completely burned out after waking up.

Eight days ago, Gino opened his eyes for the very first time. Eight days ago, Gino finally woke up from his nine day long comatose state and I couldn't be happier.

Finally, I can breathe again. Gino is finally out of the danger zone but he still has a long road ahead of him. Due to being bed ridden for seventeen days, his muscles have gotten lazy. In that short amount of time, his legs have become too weak and due to his injuries. The nurses refuse to allow Gino to try to walk in fear that the wounds will open up. 

The first few days after Gino woke up from his coma, Pops would bend Gino's arms while he slept. That helped to give Gino some movements in his arms.

Pops also has started helping Gino to exercise his legs too which is something we've kept secret from the nurses. It's thanks to Pops that Gino can move his legs a little but I won't encourage him to try walking any time soon though.

Since Gino woke up he's not very talkative. He often fixates at the ceiling like he's lost in deep thoughts. I wonder if Gino will ever be the same again. 

"They say you'll be able to start walking after the stitches are removed." I say breaking the long silence.

"I'm aware…" Was his answer, never looking away from the ceiling; his hands lying on his stomach.

He was in a lot of pain when he first woke up, maybe that's the problem and like always he doesn't say anything. "Are you in pain?"I ask and add, "I can go get the nurse." 

"I was already given something for the pain but it's still there a little." He replies and this time he looked at me when he spoke, never removing his hands on his stomach. 

His head is healing nicely. It hasn't caused Gino much discomfort other than a few occasional headaches. It's the stab wounds that have been most problematic.

"You sound better than the first few days after you woke up. I feared you had brain damage, you didn't make much sense." I blurt out giving him a smile.

The first few days, Gino had a hard time pronouncing certain words and I feared for the worst. But, the doctor told us that it was perfectly normal and it got hilarious at a point. 

The second day when he woke up. The inspectors of division three came to visit but it was more like snooping around than to see how Gino was doing. 

Anyway, when Gino woke up that afternoon from his nap. I don't know what exactly got to him or why he even said it. He just told the inspectors that he hated their guts and that they should stick their heads back up their asses. It came out of the blues so quickly that no one even knew how to respond to him. And just like that, he fell asleep again.

These sudden outbursts happened pretty often the next first few days. To be honest, I enjoyed those unpredictable outburst. Thanks to those, we all know now that pops is a great man and that he loves him. 

Shion blamed the meds that helped to ease his pain as the cause of those outbursts. Saying that it was the drugs talking and not to take anything he says too seriously but none the less, they were hilarious.

"I don't remember…" Gino replies. 

Somehow it doesn't surprise me. The first few days, the nurses kept him so heavily drugged in order to ease him from the pain that I wondered if he was going to be okay. I think for his own good, it's a good thing that he doesn't remember because knowing Gino, he'd probably die from embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just relieved that you're alright. None of the damage will be permanent so you'll be back to your old self soon." I tell him. 

Yeah, soon he won't be in any pain anymore. His wounds will have healed and he'll be able to continue his life like nothing had even happened. Division one will be back on duty again and we'll be able to move on.

"I heard from Kagari that Tsunemori had trouble with Dime…" Gino says after a bit of silence. 

Oh yeah that… I almost forgot about that little incident.

The next day after Gino was in the intensive care. Akane took Kagari with her to Gino's place to care for Dime. Dime not familiar with her bite her arm but luckily Kagari was there to calm the dog down.

"Yeah but that was my fault I should have gone with her instead of Kagari. He was just protecting his territory after all." I answer. 

I should have seen that incident coming from a mile away but I got careless. I was so worried about Gino that I failed to think how Dime would react to seeing a new face. After that incident, I went with Akane to make sure it never happened again. But, the injury had already been done.

"It's the first time Dime ever bite anyone. I'll have to apologize to Tsunemori for that." Gino says as he returns his gaze to the ceiling.

"Dime mostly got her jacket or should I say that the jacket got most of the damage so the injury to Akane's arm is a minimum." I tell him. 

Good thing that Akane was wearing her winter jacket. Otherwise, with Dime's powerful jaws, he would have done some serious injuries to Akane.

The awkward silence fills the room again. Just like with all the other days that have passed since Gino woke up from his coma. The thing is, I can't think of anything to say. There are so many questions that I'd like to ask him but I don't want to trigger any hurtful memories from that night. 

Gino is finally awake but we've been warned over and over again that his mind is still frail. That it wouldn't take much to give him an episode so we should stay clear from any traumatic discussions around him. But avoiding something that is bound to resurface again eventually, is it really a good idea?

Not speaking about what happened in that incident, I honestly don't think it's a good idea. I'd be willing to bet that's what Gino keeps thinking about. 

All the memories and the pain, he just keeps it all to himself. He's trying to come to term with what happened on his own. He doesn't want anyone to worry about him but he's a fool. He never gets it. By not talking to us about his problems, about things that bothers him only makes us worry about him even more.

The day he woke up, he was fixated onto Pops like there was nothing else around him. As if like all that mattered to Gino was Pops at that very moment. But after a few days that passed, just by looking into his eyes. I know there's something that's been eating him. That look in his eyes, I've never seen it before and it's hard to explain even.

"Gino… What happened that night?" I ask breaking the silence again. 

I can't just ignore what I want to know or can I bring myself to respect the warning that the doctor gave us. I just have to know.

"I got stabbed and my head bashed." Was his answer in a boorish tone. Like it's his way of letting me know that the subject bore him. No, that it didn't interest him what so ever.

"Don't be a smart ass. I already know that and you know that's not what I meant." I shoot back at him. 

If there's one thing that pisses me off about Gino. It's how he always tells you the obvious answer in order to avoid the real subject when it comes to personal things. It's like he hopes you will drop the subject altogether but he should know me better than that. He should know that I wouldn't just drop something that I want to know. We've known each other for so long and we used to be able to tell each other anything and everything. But ever since I became an enforcer, Gino has pushed me away and yeah I have a problem with that.

He lets out a sight before looking in my direction with those green eyes of his. "Isn't it obvious Kougami? I made a mistake and let my guard down. What's more to tell?"

Again another answer that just circles around the subject. He avoids it like the fucking plague. 

"Gino, you know that I know you almost too well so why do you feel the need to give me a bullshit answer like that?" I ask. His expression never changing as I spoke; he still seems as uninterested as before.

"Has it maybe not occurred to you that I might just not want to talk about it?" He ask in turn without answering my question. Yeah, very convenient Gino but you know that won't do for me.

"Gino-"

"If you're worried for my well-being Kougami it's no big deal. But pressuring me to tell you about what happened that night won't make me say it anyway. I'll say it just once Kougami, that's something I'll be taking to the grave with me." His tone suddenly changed to what I remembered, severe and serious. It's without a doubt that it's a touchy subject for him. But so far, as I quickly glance at the monitors. His readings hasn't change so I'll take it as a good sign and keep on pushing and pressing my luck.

"That's the thing Gino that I just don't get. Why? Do you think that I or the team will think any less of you or something?" I ask.

He lets out another sigh, this time I can sense a bit of frustration and annoyance in it but his facial expression is calm but I can see that he's trying to stay in composure. 

"That's not it. I dropped my guard when I shouldn't. I was the one who messed up and I paid the price for it. That's all there is to it."He tells me and I have to control the urge to just yell bullshit but I hold my tongue as he continue. "How it happened isn't in any way relevant or important. Shibada is dead and so is the hostage so what does it even matter how he attacked me, it won't make any difference."

"You just seem to drift off into your own thoughts a lot Gino-" I cut my sentence short when something just didn't make sense here. How did he? "Wait a minute. How do you know that Shibada and the hostage are dead? Did Kagari tell you?" I ask. 

How on earth does he even know that? Did Akane tell him? No, we all talked about that and we all agreed that it be best not to mention anything from that night. So... Did Risa come by and told him what happened?

"No, no one told me. I just know that's all." He casually answers as if it was nothing at all and I'm sitting here confused and he's not even noticing or simply doesn't care.

Could it be true? Now that I think back at what Shion had said several times. Could it be? Was she right?

"You were aware of everything that was happening around you, huh? So Shion was right but we never spoke about the hostage's status around you so how would you know that?" I ask. 

The things that Shion had said about Gino being able to hear us is pretty much confirmed now. That was mainly the reason why we decided not to talk about the case around him at all. Akane feared that talking about the case could give Gino anxiety and make his condition worst. Good thing we did that.

"I was aware of everything in ways you wouldn't even believe me even if I told you. It's hard to explain and hard to to understand myself."He tells me. "You say that I drift into my thoughts too often. I'm just trying to remember all that's happened during those days but a lot of my memories are becoming fuzzy." He adds. 

Clearly, he thinks too lowly of me. Won't believe him? Like seriously Gino? If you want to offend me, continue cause you are succeeding. Like all those years of friendship just doesn't mean anything to you anymore.

"Then you heard how pathetic I sounded back then huh?" I blurt out, the only thing that I could think of that didn't involve starting a fight.

Gino sits himself up straight with some difficulties and before I even realized it I had jumped to my feet to help him but he brushes my offer off.

"I was ready to die. I didn't want to fight anymore but I didn't know how to end it all but you pulled me back. You made me stay. You can call it pathetic if you want but it's what brought me back." He tells me after a few minutes of silence. It wasn't something that I was expecting. He didn't look at me as he spoke, simply starred at his hands. "You think that you had it bad but no one can even imagine for a second how I felt. I wasn't able to just hear but I saw everything."

"Gin-"

"Having to look at my mangled body, seeing everyone's reaction and no matter how loud I yelled no one could hear me. I've seen sides of everyone that I didn't even think they had and the worst part was that none of it made any sense. I couldn't feel anything or could I seek comfort from anyone. All I could do was watch as everyone else suffered and broke apart." When he started talking he was calm but the more he spoke, the calmness was gone and was instead replaced by all the emotions he had been bottling up inside. Strangely enough I'm satisfied with myself that the bottle finally opened; it's what he needs the most right now.

"Gin-"

"When I had made up my mind, tired of fighting and tired of it all. You came and forced me to stay and then I was trapped in an endless loop of darkness and the next thing I know is this intense pain that just didn't go away. And then, I heard dad's voice and I woke up." Tears finally found their escape as they run down his cheeks as he recounts his experience. 

I don't know a single thing about comas nor did I know how Gino felt but I had to get him to say it and I know it now.

I wrap my arms around him bringing his face to my chest, careful not to apply any forms of pressure to his stomach. He took his composure fast enough but at least he got that off his chest. 

So Gino, when Shion told me that morning that you were not doing well, you had decided to allow yourself to die. That's what you wanted but you stayed for me and I'm more than thankful that you didn't go.

"Don't ask me about what happened again. Certain things are just not worth saying or reliving." He says. His voice low that I almost didn't hear him.

If Gino really did see everything, I think I may have an idea what exactly happened that night. We live in an age that with the right technology, you can do almost anything. And just thinking about how Shibada could have gotten Gino to drop his guard. Gino is probably right… Seeing how we reacted, hearing the truth could be just as bad.

"Call me selfish but I'm glad you stayed. Gino don't go where I can't follow." I tell him and I hear him respond a low yeah and I can tell that he's getting tired. I got him pretty worked up, best to let him rest now. What matters now is that he's finally awake.


End file.
